2 years and counting...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2009
2 years and counting...
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 3:30pm

I have been reading the messages and responses all day trying to gain some sense of peace. My H had not one but 2 affairs and one of them was when I was pregnant! I had the absolute horror of discovering emails between the two of them, a video of explicit acts, pictures the whore had sent to him and many text messages on his phone. She knew he was married and didn’t care. The A happened 2 years ago and to this day I am still hurt to the very core. I have prayed, I have tried MC with him, I have tried to block it out of my head like it never happened and I’m still hurt. At this point I can’t stand the sight of him half the time. He tells me he loves me but I’m thinking…”If you loved me how the he$$ can you cheat when I was friggin pregnant! What kind of a monster does that?” I don’t trust him, or ANYONE for that matter and I feel totally empty inside. I had the opportunity to leave him but I didn’t, he has NEVER wanted to leave me or the kids. I feel like we’re room mates at this point and I’m just wondering how in the heck do we get past all of this?? I guess it’s “ME” who needs to do the getting past but I’m still so mad at him like it happened today. I have nightmares of the things I saw…We have recently started going on dates regularly and he tries to make advances for lovemaking but I’m just NOT feeling him. Someone please tell me this too shall pass…

I feel like I have ZERO love for this man right now…


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2008
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 4:35pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 11:01am

I am 18 mnths into my rebuilding but what you describe sounds more like what I went through in my first marriage. My first H never cheated but he drank our marriage to death. By the last two years I couldn't stand him. He gradually killed all the love I had for him with his lies and behavior. I couldn't stand to have him touch me.

I think if there's any way you can, you should seek counseling. You need to find out if you can love him/want him again, or are those feelings really gone for good. You can have a good life again whether it is with or without him.

With my current fiancee, we live together, have 5 young kids we're raising together, and I still love him with all my heart. I know he loves me, and although I am still having a very rough time with his affair, I know we belong together. If I didn't believe somewhere deep down this was right for me and our family, I wouldn't have stayed.

I think if you feel the way you do after 2 years, a professional may help you sort things out. It's been a long time for you to just keep waiting it out. My thoughts are with you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2008
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 12:31pm

Hi beach chic,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 1:03pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 8:24pm
I think right now you need to find a therapist--a good one--you may have to visit a few to find the right one. You may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome---I was diagnosed with this and it is a frequent diagnosis for the betrayed spouse. My H confessed to his A the night before my infant's first month check up at the doctors.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 01-28-2009 - 1:11am
Mine cheated years ago - EA, hopefully no PA - and was doing all he could to have another last year, so I understand how it is to deal with it twice.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Wed, 01-28-2009 - 8:37am

Lone_lee..I know what you mean. I look at pcitures of my wife and wonder if any of it was real? I look at the pictures and I see a stranger. Who is this woman that threw her family under the bus.

Your H's affair may have killed all of your love for him. The question is this (an trust me I am just beginning to tackle it) can yopu ever be happy with your spouse? Will you ever be happy to see them walk through the door at the end of the day? On Saturday morning when the kids are asleep is your spouse the one that you want to snuggle up to?

I can handle D and raising my girls. I have been doing for about a month but I worry about the impact the D will have on my two youngest. I also worry about what type of message I sending to my two oldest, don't be a doormat and never let anyone walk all over you.

Some wounds can only heal by taking the person that caused the pain out of the picture.

I hope this helps but I am only a month out and I am still trying to find my way....