2 years of marriage... 2 years of lies

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
2 years of marriage... 2 years of lies
9
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 12:03pm
Two days ago I found out that my husband whom I love more than anything in the world has had 1 one-night stand and 3 affairs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 12:28pm
How did you find out? And was he deployed when the affairs/ONS happened?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 2:58pm
Hi hmbrydon
You can make it through if he is willing to realize the gravity of what he has done to you, make no mistake in thinking this has anything to do with you
This is all on him, I would say the man has 'issues' he needs to deal with, the hard part is you really can't do more than you have been already, it will all be up to him and it is not fair
You don't have to decide anything right away, take good care of yourself and be proud of holding things up on your end
No one can tell you what is best for you, maybe leaving is best maybe that is not your desire...
I would say if you stay you will go through immense pain and suffering and possibly more betrayal due to his issues - your risk your choice
there is so much work he will need to do on himself that he may not be willing to do and it will take time - years maybe
If you have no children you may just want to bolt
as far as your relationship with him goes, you are now in control you ask for whatever you need and you will see his reaction and go from there
access to email, phone bills, itinerary - whatever you need to feel comfortable
realize, he is not the man you thought he was
Peace & Strength to you
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 3:13pm

Thank you for your response!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 3:49pm

One ONS and three Affairs is a lot of damage for a new marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 2:14am

like the saying goes... first time shame on you, second time shame on me. i honestly might forgive someone for cheating once, but three or four times or more? to me that shows that the person really has issues with commitment. there is no excuse for cheating repeatedly. a one time thing, i would consider a really bad judgment error, maybe, depending on the person and circumstances. have you suggested counseling? how did you find out about this? is he willing to discuss this and resolve whatever problem he has?

i have a 3 month old baby. my husband left me so he could sleep around and be with multiple women, i am convinced he is a sex addict. i know he cheated, but became so good at erasing the evidence i won't know for sure. your husband probably has a similar issue. if he didn't stop after one affair, then i'm not sure that he'll ever stop. i would cut your losses and end the marriage. it sounds like your husband has already checked out emotionally and physically.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 3:21pm

I just found out about my wife's affair a little over 2 weeks ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 3:28pm

Dadfor6-



Thank you so much for writing me back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 3:42pm

To pick up another woman (at any time, let alone with my wife basically right there) is despicable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 3:46pm
Yes, it is despicable... I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it right now. You know, it is bad enough to text or e-mail right in front of us, but to actually pick someone up while I am there.... NO WORDS, NO WORDS!!!!