adult websites and infidelity

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2009
adult websites and infidelity
11
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 5:28pm
I recently discovered that my husband of 19 years has a personal listing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 5:49pm
My vote is to do it right in front of your counselor.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2009
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 6:09pm
That's what I've been thinking.
Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 6:36pm

If it were me, I would hand the therapist a letter outlining the situation as you walk in so that he/she has some heads up as you address it.

The first like ten sessions with my councilor, I handed him a letter outlining the issues and events from the previous week and let him spend a few min. reading it over. I would also outline my spouses behavior, good and bad that week. It gave me a chance to get it down before we talked about stuff.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 8:58pm
If he's posting nude photos and actually met someone to check them out, he has more in mind.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2009
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 9:24pm
That's a good idea.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 11:10pm
Early on the therapist likely is going to observe you more than anything, and ask something along the lines of "why are you here today?".

 

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 10:32am

Well, I hope it's ok if I point out a few things.

Couples therapy is often about fixing the other person, individual therapy is about fixing yourself.

If you upset your spouse on the first session. He might not be willing to come back. The best case is to have your husband cough up the information voluntarily. That's why it might be nice to write the therapist a letter saying. "My husband does not know that I know the following. bla bla bla, What do you think is the best way to address this issues?" And see what happens.

I never liked having us talk separately, it drove me crazy sitting in the lobby knowing they were talking about me.

Best of luck

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2009
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 10:56am

Thanks for the info. everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 10:57am
That's a great point about driving him away from counseling before you even get started.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 11:59am

HI HUGS TO YOU AND WELCOME,


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