Affair with baby on the way with OW

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2012
Affair with baby on the way with OW
2
Thu, 12-27-2012 - 3:23pm

I just found out that my husband has been having an affair. Like that wasn't bad enough, shes also having his baby. She tortures me with it. She has even called and asked for morning sickness advice. Shes crazy. I live in a small town and it was put on a gossip forum which means I can't even grieve privately. She already has four children under 5 years old and her tubes were supposed to be tied. Turns out she lied and wanted to trap my husband into a relationship with her. At first, she wanted an abortion. When my husband told her that he didn't want to leave me, she flipped out and decided to keep it just to ruin us. Her words exactly. I don't know where to go from here. I don't excuse him for what he's done to our family. He has moved out and my son who is autistic is not dealing well. I feel so lost. Any good advice would be appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 12-27-2012 - 3:58pm

He needs a paternity test, just for starters, this is not a nice woman he's been messing with.  If he already knows, then you need to get some counseling for yourself to get your head on straight - right now it would be very easy to make a decision you could regret later.  I'm not excusing him in any way by saying that, it's just that most of us here went into shock and were too lost to think straight without some help.  For me this would absolutely be a deal breaker, but plenty of spouses are able to work thru it all and move forward.  But get some professional help for professional feedback to make sure what it is you really do want.  That's what matters now. 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 12-27-2012 - 4:35pm

This must be incredibly upsetting to you.  I would suggest consulting an atty. to see about your legal rights.  Even if your DH is voluntarily giving you money, it might be better to get a court order establishing paternity before the OW's baby is born.  In my state, the way child support is calculated is that it would be a set amount, but then if there is a pre-existing court order, there's a deduction for that, so you want to make sure there is a court order for him to support your kids first, otherwise if she gets the order first, you will be getting less!  I also hope you have caller ID so you don't have to pick up any more calls from her.  Good luck.