after i told her to stop-she didn't

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
after i told her to stop-she didn't
9
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 9:05am

i found out at the beginning of the month my wife had been texting/talking/emailing her ex-boyfriend for a couple of months-based on what i saw an emotional affair


i confronted her and told her how i felt and i told her i didn't want her to speak to him anymore...so, this morning i found out that while she doesn't "talk" to him on the phone or anything they still e-mail each other about 2-3 times a day-i didn't read any of the emails i don't know if it's cause i didn't want to see what they were saying or if it's cause i already know...i just don't understand, well maybe it's alot easier then what i'm thinking, maybe she just doesn't want to be with me and just doesn't want to be the 1 to break it off


since we talked about it before things have been good almost back to normal except for maybe 1-2 times i just had a really hard night with the whole thing, i mean we were talking about having a baby and we even pained an empty bedroom


she told me before that she was just talking to him to give him advice and help him with some of the things he is trying to work out, i just don't believe that anymore


so do i confront her without actually reading the emails, do i read the emails 1st to see if there really is anything, or do i just walk away now...it just really sucks

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 10:19am

You should read the emails so you know exactly what you are dealing with here. If you walk away without reading them you will be plagued with "what if I was wrong." Only with you having 100% knowledge of the situation can you possibly make the right decision for you. Knowledge is power.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 11:00am
As Dr. Phil says, he(or she) who has nothing to hide hides nothing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 11:16am
I agree, I haven't read the emails yet, but really does it even matter, I mean I asked her before to stop talking to him and she still went ahead and did it anyway, if the emails are just about stupid stuff and her "helping" him I don't think it would really make me feel any better...I really feel disrespected about the whole thing to be honest, I'm going to talk to her and see what she says about seeing a counselor...she never really showed any signs that she wasn't happy with me or anything like that it's just so frustrating
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 11:49am
I agree with the OP. I would read the e-mails if I were you. If anything, just to ease your mind that they are just innocent talk back and forth and not of a flirtatious or sexual content. That way you know where you stand. Many people on this board who were told "were just friends" have found out otherwise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 11:56am
ok, i can agree with that as well, but if do read them and they are just innocent do
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2007
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 12:12pm

You should read them. You need to know what you are dealing with. If they are clean, just say something like I am so glad we are working on making things better. Talk to her about trust, and how you are so glad you can trust her. If she comes clean about the emails at that time ...my thoughts are she means nothing by them. If she still sits and remains silent, then she might have an emotional tie with this person.


However, if you read the emails and you see she has been talking about things that are dealing with her and him you need to make her pick. Life is too short to be with someone who isn't being true to you. Read the emails. Then go from there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 12:15pm
This is the same thing I am going thru. my hubbys ex is in CO, we in FL, doesnt make the hurt any less! Read the emails know what your up against and decide what to do from there.
there are many things you can do to find out exactly what is going on or being said, choose wisely, document everything in case of a divorce. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2009
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 2:07pm
I hate to disagree, but I don' t think it matters what the emails say.

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 2:41pm
Okay, you said you confronted her and told her to stop. But did she agree to stop? If she did then she lied to you about it. That makes a big difference here because then she is lying and that is very telling. But even if she didn't she still continued to e-mail him 2-3 times a day (which is quite excessive and also different than an occasional e-mail) And yes, 2-3 e-mails a day does sound more like an emotional affair than a friendship. An occasional e-mail I could see. And by occasional I mean like to say Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas. I would read the e-mails and go from there as the other posters suggested. You will have a lot clearer picture of what's going on then and can make more of a rational decision. If you are planning on having a baby with her you want to know whether you can trust her now, rather than find out she's lying to you after you bring a child into the picture.