almost 6 years and still struggle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2012
almost 6 years and still struggle
4
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 1:30am

I have been married since 2003 and with my wife since 1998 when we met in college.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 2:51am
In my opinion, after having an affair, she should not be doing things that add to your feelings of insecurity, such as going out with this guy from work and getting too drunk to drive home. And why couldn't the woman they went with have brought her home? How did she get there to begin with? She should have come home when she told you she was going to, Is this just a one time thing or is she going out and getting drunk more than that?
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 9:46am

We all talk about boundaries and where and when to set them.

It's quite evident that your wife doesn't know.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 3:41am
You have the right to decide what's appropriate and inappropriate inside your marriage, and you need to agree on it all. She's pushing your relationship to the edge and this is going to destroy it completely unless she gets this guy out of her life. Even if she is manic depressive, that doesn't mean her behavior is healthy for you. All marriages have ups and downs, but what she is doing is making this outside relationship a priority over your marriage, and that cannot continue. I understand she has a health issue, but is sounds like she's not getting the treatment she can to control her condition, if that's possible. I don't think you're going to lose HER, I think unless contact ends and she gets better medical care, she will drive you away to save your sanity.

 

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 5:41pm

Hi,

You're married to a bi-polar person and therein lies the problem. She'll be 'fine" for weeks, months, years even and then go manic on you and say and do things that a healthy person wouldn't play out. It's a difficult life to say the least. I encourage you to keep seeing a therapist and try to get your wife to go with you so you can discuss appropriate boundaries. Your wife is vunerable to everyone who is needy - because she is incapable of recognizing and setting appropriate boundaries of conduct.