I found out two weeks ago today that my
That "back to acting the way
reactions to betrayal vary.
initially i was stunned, no mortified it was as if i was in shock. then something snapped and i became sex crazed - looking back i now question my sanity. in any event i too could not get enough of him; i believe i was trying to prove to him just how good i was sexually. i had found emails they had written back and forth and it was all about sex.
i am sure my ego was in the toilet and i was trying to prove something to him and to me. then as quickly as it came it went.
i was then left to deal with the reality of the situation. i was pissed. i began, and still do, obsess about the whole situation.
i was hurt, how could he go there with another woman, how could he be intimate with a perfect stranger unprotected. how could he discuss me and our sex life with this woman. and to make matters worse he tried to justify it with her by telling her i was frigid. hello, i could swear that was me you were doing the nightly tango with in bed, telling me how good i and 'it' was.
be prepared - like i said we all handle it differently.
but, and this is a big but - if you are intent on making it work and truly love him please know that you can not go back to where the two of you were before - no, the two of you are going to need to lay a new foundation based on honesty, integrity and MOST of ALL open communication.
open communication - you need to tell him if you trigger, explain it to him do not expect him to 'know'. they don't 'know'. explain that it is going to take time and he must be willing to do the work.
he needs to be able to understand exactly what his betrayal did to you as a woman and his wife. be able to put himself in your place - how would he feel if you had share what he thought was sacred with another man?
read as many posts on this site as possible, there are many many smart women/men here. while all of our stories are the same they are just as much different - BUT we can learn from each other by sharing our feelings, asking for help, and feeling safe enought to vent.
Thank you for your words of encouragement.