Am I in for it again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Am I in for it again?
Mon, 06-14-2010 - 8:59pm

DDay was Jan 2007. I really haven't recovered as I still struggle with occasional bouts of insecurity and anxiety. My W likes her privacy and throws a fit when I tell her that It only enhances my feelings of mistrust. Last year I found email accounts that I haven't found out about. She keeps her phone history well guarded and clean. I believe she uses video chat now when I am gone to work so it is harder for me to track. I have always tried to give her the benefit of a doubt because I felt like I owe it to her to trust her and maybe that will help me get over what happened. Like most everyone else's story things generally seem to be ok. We just got back from our 10 year anniversary trip and as I was digging myself out of a mountain of email, I had received an anonymous email stating that she has been cheating on me over and over and also stating that any further contact would be ignored. So here I am at the computer yet again trying to find any way to gather evidence, but my W has basically made it impossible for me to get anything.

Have I thought about getting out? Oh, yes. Then I think about my kids who are under 10. My wife has left many of the values she lived by the first six years of our marriage. It was during

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2010
Mon, 06-14-2010 - 10:55pm


I am so sorry you find yourself here so full of doubt. What a kick in the gut to find this rumor after your trip. I remember the days of searching internet histories and now recently checking cell phone records and email histories because of a different type of Dday. A dday that involves a real person here in our little town that use to be with his co-worker. An EA that went on under my nose for the last 4 years which just stopped with NC on 4/1/10, dday 3/3/10. I never would have found out except MS 7 and the new foxfire email program that replaced MS Outlook. Needless to say I was devastated, we have 3 children 19,SAH and 12 year old twin girls, plus an extended family who would be shocked if they knew, because we seem to be the perfect couple. Hell, I thought we were damn close to perfect before I found out. Start posting on all the boards for A. Read what you can, then confront. I didn't last a week before I confronted mine. It's not easy, but if you want or need to try at reconciliation it has to be done. I wish you well and send you strength. {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


Hurts have taught me never to give up loving
Be willing to take another risk and chance, otherwise tomorrow may be empty.

Hurts have taught me never to give up loving Be willing to take another risk and chance, otherwise tomorrow may be empty.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 2:18am
You know, that email could have come from anywhere. I wouldn't let myself go over the deep end without any other corroboration. Maybe there is really nothing going on at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 1:57pm

would you leave her if you found out for sure? how about the children then? at this point, whether she was cheating on your or not, if you cannot see yourself away from your children, aren't you just torturing yourself?

if you can leave once you know for sure, you can find a private detective/forensics/electronics person to do some digging, including who wrote that anonymous e-mail, if you haven't deleted it yet. again, once you know for sure that she is cheating, what would you do?

talking to a therapist would help sort some of these conflicts out. you will get help learning about tools/ways to cope and make a better life for yourself and your family.

good luck.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 6:45pm
Think about what your real ambitions are. If you don't want to give up some things then perhaps negotiations are in order. Are you getting your sexual needs met or is it not important to you?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 10:05am

OK, the first thing I'd do is put a tracking program on your computer that remains hidden.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 3:51pm

What popped out at me in your post is your comment that "things are mostly okay".


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 11:09pm

Thank you all for your responses. I am looking into tracking the email and thinking about placing a keystroke program back on my computer.

I spoke with her and laid it all out on the table again and told her where she stood. I emphatically stated that it was she that needs to win my trust back and not me. I could tell she has taken it to heart. In the same conversation I brought up the email I recieved. If she is doing something at least she knows there is an anonymous person out there looking out for me and may help her stop. If what she says is true then this may be the push she needed to really motivate her to prove that she is not fooling around.

Thank you all again for your words of comfort, support, and advice. I wish you all the best as well.