Am i Justified?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Am i Justified?
12
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 12:26pm

It has been more than 2 months to my dday. In the beginning i posted on this board got a lot of support from u people and then things got better between... i thought i am getting over the betrayal but something happens and we keep having set backs and i am tired of these set backs...


My H is doing everything i am asking him to do. telling me everything about his affair and answered all my question. my problem is that he is still talking to her for business, daily. he has told me from beginning that he can't end that. And then he shares his days with me, tells me about her(not like when his affair was on, he used to omit her name from all the talks).I try to act calm but inside i am panicking. and then i just let it go most of the times but sometimes i just can't handle it anymore and demand from him that he just throw her out of our lives .... i go mad, angry, tell him that i am not important enough for him to just end all contacts with her. Another thing is that although he hasn't got any personal relations with her anymore but still he feels responsible for her and talks highly of her to me ,like she is a very unselfish person and does all these favors for him and other people.... and all this make me more angry and i want to lash out to him that she is not a good person , if she was not she would have left him immediately after i came to know, in fact she would never have got involved with a married man if she was a good person. But i don't say all these things to him.


he keeps telling me that he committed a BIG mistake ,Why? because he has ruined HER life! Hello , what about me? what about what U did to me?


anyway he believes that because of her difficult situation she is completely alone, without family support and friends , so he thinks he can't leave her, although there is no personal relation.


we have been trying to rebuild for almost 2 months now but i always loose all my focus when i think about both of them talking daily. and right now i have to told him to go to he!! and not come to me till he has thrown her completely out of our lives. his answer is always silence. now we r not talking. and i don't know what he is thinking. if he is thinking i am being unreasonable when he has ended all personal relations with her and is telling me everything.


tell me guys, am i justified ? or am i being a bitch and loosing precious time that i should be using for rebuilding and loving him.


lajo

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 3:11am
Sticking your head in the sand isn't going to help at all.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 1:19pm

I knowu r right .... it wouldn't help but i know when he is telling me that his relations will her r not personal on any level, only business, he is telling the truth. I trusthim on that and i had talked to OW once and she confirmed that he refuses to talk to her about anything except for business with her.


So it's just her being there,that bothers me. It's not rational i know and that's what annoys my H too. And when he talks about her my mind goes completely blank. It's like a trigger for me.


So like a trigger i want to avoid this stiuation.And i trust him not betray me again...because i have seen how repentent he had been since last 2 months. So i am just taking a chance of trusting him again and creating aillusion of a kind that she is not in our lives anymore.....

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