The Anger I Feel is Scary

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2006
The Anger I Feel is Scary
10
Tue, 12-13-2011 - 8:35pm

Do any of you feel sometimes like you want to do physical harm to your WS? I literally want to pummel him, like I would love to beat him up. He had to leave because I got so angry I could not contain it, I was about to go after him, and I told him if he didn't leave I was going to kick him in the balls and worse. I literally pushed him out the door, and believe me he ran- I think I scared him. I guess if I had a golf club I would have used, it, huh, Tiger?

Please tell me I am not the only one. I also have fantasies of seeing HER in public and yanking out her hair. Like crazy reality tv crap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2011
Sun, 12-25-2011 - 5:59pm

I have felt this same intense anger.... My girlfriend told me this story... She knew this really pretty woman, and one day she was in the grocery store and saw this person coming towards her... She said "Hello, Rachel how are you?" and honestly my gf didn't know who she was. Later she found out that she had Hit her husband that had had an affair. He called the cops and pressed assult charges on her. She was in jail for 6 months and basically lost everything. She looked horrible, lost 20 pounds, looked awful, a mess and was wearing old nasty clothes... SO.... I really thought about hitting my cheating ass spouse because he might actually do the same thing... He might call the cops and press charges on me... If there is a lot involved fnancially, it would be a WINDFALL if you hit the guy. You'd look awful in court... and would have been in jail to boot. Personally, I don't thing it's worth it... I'd LOVE TO... BUT, Restraint is hard, but probably the best way to roll.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Wed, 12-21-2011 - 12:00am

it's amazing, but in the end, it seems all of our stories have the same statements from our H.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2006
Tue, 12-20-2011 - 9:16pm
tsah5, maybe you can help with this, then. He told me last night that he can't take my anger, he can't do this anymore, this is killing him, the weight of this is too much & he's unhappy. He wants me to be supportive of him so he can figure out how not to do this again. Yes. Supportive of him. ??? I am at a loss. I asked him if he was done & he said he didn't know, that he can't talk about this now. I was so angry. This morning he said he was just venting and he knows we have to talk about it. But he seems to be saying that I'm supposed to support him because I need a partner who is happy again. I want to f'n smack him. I told him I needed someone who was willing to help me heal, not turn this into something that's all about him. Did your H ever try to pull this manipulative crap? Apparently I'm not allowed to be angry anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Tue, 12-20-2011 - 12:15am

i personally do not feel the anger is not abnormal, but i am glad i never acted on my worse angers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2006
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 6:00pm

Actually she did know me. And I even called her, this spring, to tell her that I found old emails and I wanted to know the truth- of course she told me they had been together but it was before he and I were together... I have no idea why I believed her, I guess I was desperate to.

My friend said to me the other day, when I was telling him that I wished her child would die so she felt more pain than me (I KNOW, I KNOW, DISTURBING & SCARY!!! That's what I am saying, it's too much with the crazy thoughts!) that I should instead think of her and feel happy because she must be a real f'n messed up unhappy insecure person to let a man use her for sport. I thought he had a good point, and it does make me feel happy to know that she is probably a miserable person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2000
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 1:10am

 


~~joannaran~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 11:11pm

That is true. HE not HER made the vows to love honor and cherish. However, when you first find out all common sense goes out the window. Oh the fantasies I had of what I wanted to do to BOTH of them. lol
Takes quite a while to come to your senses and not want to cause SERIOUS bodily injury to them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2011
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 7:30pm

Ladies, ladies , i have gone through this more than i'de like to honestly express, but i have also learned that hateing or wanting to go after her is not at all what we really want to do, cause she's not who we married. He and only him is the !@#hole in this now world of hate!!!!! Remember just like we did not know of her , she could possibly know nothing of you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2011
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 4:54pm
Girl, I hear you! I really don't know how I haven't caused him physical harm, or kicked both of his motorcycles over, or went to the whores work and kick the crap out of her infront of her coworkers!! Jesus I really don't know how I hvent and honestly can't swear that I will never. My husband wants to be by
my side 24/7.... I told him last night that I really don't feel he's safe around me! All I can think about is causing him enough harm to feel half the pain I do! Which is why I told him I pawned my wedding 20 some thousand dollar wedding band! Which I didn't but he doesnt need to know that right now. That may be immature but it made me feel good to watch his face drop! I have to think it's normal for us to feel this way. Scary, but normal! All I can say is my husband and the OW are very lucky that I have children because if I didn't I would beat the holy hell out of both of them!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 12:38am
Anger? I am pretty sure I raged. I would be yelling so loud that I literally thought my jugular was going to burst. I still, 7 months out freelance exhaustion unlike any I have experienced. I too wanted and still do at times want to kick both their asses. Thinking it isn't harmful IMO. The last thing I want is to get criminally charged out of a reaction to THEIR wrong. So what helped me was to try and use that surge of energy and adrenaline tht came with my anger and put it o something constructive like how what I was going to do to get myself out of the quicksand. I told my husband what I expected and then I focused on myself. You are in control and in charge of you. If you can't control your anger then tell him to leave so ou gain gain your footing. It does diminish. It will get better. Hang in there!