Anger so much anger

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Anger so much anger
4
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 11:46am
I must be healing because today I'm angry. I'm angry at him,angry at her and angry at myself for not kicking his cheating butt to the curb! He is extremely remorseful, but , he was last time and the time before that too! Until my biz rocks, I am stuck.
He is trying I will give him that. I have said NO CONTACT if you even BREATHE her way I will know and that will be it. I sent him and email, I told him and I wrote it down and stuck it in his wallet. NO CONTACT! It's a deal breaker. No amount of kowtowing will get you out of it if you contact her again.
I know in my heart and mind she will try again. She is obsessed with him. It's what he does about that makes or breaks our future. I need to go prune apple trees and burn off this anger!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 12:28pm
My H cheated twice and didn't get it until this weekend when he took responsibility for everything. He is committed to everything I ask of him b/c he's afraid when he sees my therapist for 1 session (so she can "read" him) she will tell him that she is preparing me to leave him so I don't get hurt again if she thinks he's insincere. His own therapist is angry w/him for lying in the 1st few sessions and not telling her that he had a 2nd affair! My advice is to set firm ground rules that you can be sure he has to abide by, or the marriage is over. Somehow, when you're strong enough this turns the light on in their heads. Otherwise they have this continued sense of entitlement and keep on cheating. Make him go to therapy and let him see your rage!If he loves you ,he'll get it- otherwise, he's not worth your trouble.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 2:44pm
HE DOESN'T GET IT. He is in couseling and has been for years. His therapist told him YOU ARE PLAYING with fire but even then he didn't stop the emails.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 4:31pm

My hat is off to all of you whose spouse has gotten physical with somebody else, I do NOT know how you deal with that at all!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Fri, 03-27-2009 - 6:29pm

My husband has had two "online" affairs, both times planned to meet the women in person before I found out. Second affair found out, said he'd stop - he immediately did NOT stop but went to greater lengths to hide it from me.

I have been seeing a counselor and we are supposed to go together but the fact is I am so ENRAGED every time I look at him, I just want to beat the crap out of him. I can't be in the same room, I don't even want to be in the same house. I hate him. I hate him so much I think I will explode from it.

We have had some very ugly fights, unfortunately with our kids as witnesses. His attitude was remorseful at first, but when I didn't get over it fast enough he quickly turned spiteful. This is MY problem now, according to him, because he said he was sorry.

I fully believe he is still engaging in cybersex, online porn, etc. He's just gotten better about hiding it.

I dream of divorcing him, but we are broke and I can't make it on my income. I thought I could fake it long enough, that we could live as civil roommates, but that's proving impossible as I seriously have to fight the urge to throw things at him every time he is within eyesight. And at least once, I did throw something at him.

I am seeing a counselor on my own, but it's not helping.