Angry, Confused, Sad, and other emotions
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|Thu, 04-16-2009 - 2:56pm|
Well like all you on here I was cheated on by my spouse. I just found physical proof of the gut feeling that I was having for the past couple of months. I do not know if this is the first time and I would not be surprised if it was. not
The problem started with my husband going out drinking and partying too much and also having mostly girls that are friends, or so he said. At the beginning of the year this one particular girl he wanted me to meet and become friends with. So she was invited over constantly. AT the beginning I was nice and gave her a chance, but then started to get slightly hostile because she was over here constantly and he started to get a little too friendly with her. So I told him to back off and that I did not want her over to our home. That is when my husband tried to make me feel badly for not giving her a "real" chance and that she wants to be friends with me. Shortly after that my mother-in-law came to visit and we did a little traveling which left my husband alone in our home for 2 nights and another time for 1 full day. When my mother in law and I got back we had a sneaking suspicion that something wasn't right, but we didn't have any real proof. After the time away my husband was too nice and I started to feel like there was something I didn't know about.
But 2 days ago I was trying to find certain pictures for a homework assignment and I stumbled upon 3 pictures that literally made me sick to my stomach. 1 of her naked rear end in my kitchen, 1 of her naked in my husband pajama pants and no top in our sun room, and another 1 of her performing oral sex on my husband. when I confronted him about this he said they were old pictures and when I proved they were not, he then said that she took them or that he thought it was funny that she did it so he took a picture. Then when I kept going on about how wrong he was he then kept saying that he didn't know taking these pictures was so bad. He denies he had sex with her, but of course he has lied about many things. So of course I don't believe him. He says he wants us to stay together and will do anything.
My husband has a few problems. He is an alcoholic and still won't admit it. He also points out other women or flirts shamelessly with other women. Because of these 2 problems I told him that our house is now an alcohol free home and he can never have any women friends again. I also told him that I want us to see a counselor to try and save our marriage.
But what I have a hard time with right now is that I am not sad as much as I am angry. I am angry that he could do this to me and to our family. I am angry that he could show such disrespect to me after how much I respected him and always did my best to make him happy. I am angry that he could lie even after he got caught. I am angry that he could throw away his wife and daughter away so easily. I am angry at myself for letting him get away with going out and partying so much and talking so much on the phone with other girls. But I am also confused as to why he would do this to his family. I am confused as to how he can't come forward and say yes I did do this and I won't talk to her again. Instead I have to tell him he can't ever talk to her again. I am confused about how to handle everything. My first reaction is to get a divorce, because my husband is known for saying he will do something and never ever follow through with it. I don't know if I want to stay together. I don't trust him at all and I don't want to feel like a prison guard. I don't want him to touch me and I cringe when I think about how she touched him and now he wants to touch me. I feel dirty because she was in my house and she could have been all over in my bed. I just don't think any amount of washing will get that feeling out of my bed sheets and off of my furniture.
He says he can change, but I just am not sure he can. I feel like he is doing this for all of the wrong reasons and that he wants me in his life because I take such good care of him. I just don't know how I can trust him again. He has admitted to me that he is unhappy but he doesn't know why and he thinks that he will be unhappy in either choice he makes. If he is unhappy now I know he will be even more unhappy after all the restrictions he will have, due in part because I don't trust him. My trust is so far gone that I don't even trust him at work, because all of these friends that are girls are from his work. I really don't know what to do and I know that he is just going through all of this hoping that it will all blow over and I will just forget about it.
I really don't know what to do. I am stuck between trying and divorce.