Another email from OW

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Another email from OW
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 4:33pm

After D Day #2 I made a few changes in our relationship. A few changes:

*I will be able to call him ANYTIME without attitude or judgement.

*I will have access to phone/email/bank account (online)

*Obviously- no contact with OW

... there are others... but those are a few.

I have been checking his phone and email accounts for some time now (without his knowledge) and have seen nothing from OW. My H doesn't know that I go behind his back to check the accounts/phone. Although not said flat out- it was sort of understood that I would tell him when I checked anything. Even if it was moments before.

However, today he got a message from OW. It said that she was sad to have him out of her life. "What am I supposed to do now?" (I have a few suggestions there, tramp!) She wishes they could meet to talk about their breakup. She has so many feelings about it that she thinks he should know. She still loves him. Etc. Etc.

I thought of a plan to get him to read it in front of me. But I'm pretty sure he'll see right through it. (And I don't really care. I'm supposed to have access to these.)

Do you think that I should ask him to respond to her with me? (As in, we both draft up an email and send it off.) Or do you think I should ask him to delete it? Or should I just ignore and pretend I never saw it/not talk to him about it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2009
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 5:36pm

may be bad advice here but it's just an opinion ....

I'd say nothing .. and wait and see what/how he responds (check for replies).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 7:07pm

Are you able to access his response?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 11:32pm
Is the phone acct paid for by your joint acct? If so just the next time you check it, block her numbers, all her numbers--in this bad economy,I would not want you
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 11:47pm

Well... here's the update for those of you that have been keeping up with my saga. :)

I am proud of H tonight.

I took all of your advice and I waited to see what he would do with the email from OW. He deleted it. No response. And this is the best part: He came into the other room to tell me that she had just contacted him and that he was going to delete the email unless I wanted to read it first.

At this point I told him that I'd already seen the email. He said that he was sad that I felt like I had to "snoop" but that he understood why I would look in the first place because I was so hurt. (No more callers... we have a winner... he's finally getting it!) We went into the other room together so I could see that he was deleting it.

He had literally only spent maybe one minute in the office before coming to get me. So I don't think he had time to respond to her email and then go to his sent items and delete the response. He also wouldn't have time to forward it to another email address (work email) and then delete the email forward from his sent items.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2009
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 12:14am
I'm so happy for you and it is so nice to here positive things like this happening to someone. I look forward and hope to feel this someday, too. I don't really know your story, but I'm curious. Did your H end the A on DD? Did it take awhile? Did he respond to your demands the first time you asked? What steps did you take to get to this point with H? I hope my H finds the strength that yours has.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 12:19pm
I am so happy for you.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 12:37pm

(Sorry this post is so long! It's really a small novel! Hope you can make it to the end!)

My H and I have had 2 D Days now. My H and I have been married for 2 and a half

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 12:53pm
You're the perfect example of how change doesn't begin with THEM - it begins with YOU.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 3:12pm