asking to repeat details

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2010
asking to repeat details
13
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 2:49pm
I feel like I am going along well, then a memory pops into my head. I will then ask my husband to replay all the details of his affair. Anyone else? It has been about 8 months since DD.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 3:27pm

Hi fivedeep,


Yes, and it's perfectly NORMAL.


Obviously, you won't want to live like this, forever, But, for right now, it is looking for something, it is serving a purpose, and trying to get a need met.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 7:45pm

omg< I do the same thing, its been a year for me and I feel like you, but i stopped asking< it didnt help me to hear the answers anyway. I am trying to get to the point where

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2010
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 12:26am

Yes I have asked questions many times. At first he would answer the questions I would ask. It has been a year and I still want to ask questions. Allot I am scared now to ask because he gets very upset. He doesn't understand why do I want to know all these things to detail. He shuts down. My cousin doesn't understand why I keep dragging it up. Why can't I let it go. Why do I keep digging??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 1:31pm
They do all seem to be the same in that way. My FWH wants to know why I can't just 'let it go' he was open and honest I thought out there in the beginning, but now he clams up, doesn't want to go there. I explained to him that it might be all 'old news' to him and he told the MC that he actually forgot some of the details and such that I am after because it IS old for him, but its fairly recent and fresh for me. So I want to know. I can't help it either. We're just past 6 months after R and he lived w/ her for 3 - 4 months after I locked him out after Dday 5/1 - so it is taking a long time - I keep looking for more lies too, can't help it. Like I told the MC I need to know ALL the cards I'm playing with just like in poker, how can you play unless you see all your cards. I HATE feeling like this. I even hate feeling like it's normal and we all feel this way... it all stinks for all of us. I got another email where OW was searching for me on the Internet - I have this tracker thing that tells me ..... I wish she would just go away onto her next victim - thing is she is still trolling the internet looking for her next one... why does she insist on MY H???? Even though he's behaving now, it's still killing me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2010
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 8:20pm
You know I am really sorry. I am sorry your in so much pain.....What has happened to me I don't wish it apon anyone. They do act like its normal. And we are the freaks that just can't let it go.

After my husband came home from Kuwait last April 4th. I am thinking that we were going to be ok. He

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 9:59pm
Praying,
You are not crazy - you aren't he is ... honestly what person in their right mind could do all this damage to so many people, and children if they were thinking straight. ? None of them were thinking at all - just trying to make excuses for themselves to ok, and justify in their own heads doing what they did. None of it was your fault, it's all on them. And now 2 innocent children have to deal with this the rest of thier lives. And I know you don't want to hear it (I don't really either) but that OW also has to live with this for the rest of HER life. No matter that she was just as bad as him, she will also be a single mother, having had a child out of wedlock (no matter what the piece of paper says - he was legally married to YOU and that's not valid) and having no support for HER or YOU - and neither child. Selfish Selfish SELFISH of him and them all. Get him to counseling, start setting yourself up while he is still there helping what little he is so that you will never be caught like this again. If you stay together and he works hard on it, fine, if not, take steps now for you and your son to get better. My FWH also canceled our medical insurance, he couldn't afford it he said, well funny, but that was the same time he was taking money and paying for hotel rooms and 'dates' with the OW. Go figure - could afford that but not medical for his family - canceled mine, the children's, even his own to dally with the *&*^% OW - there is no justice in it, none at all. And now there's still no medical coverage here either, and I am paying to go get cervical biopsies with the diseases he brought home to me from that *&^^%* OW!!!!
You feel free to vent away to me when ever you want, I don't get here all that often, but I do several times a week... we all need to vent, especially to people that understand. You're a good person - hang in there and do what you can for you and your son, if WH helps then fine so be it, but if he doesn't gather your wits, strenght and money - etc - to help yourself and your son.... I will be thinking of you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:19pm
What is this tracker thing? I have a feeling that the HOR has done that with me to see when i search for her.... She actually had a blog and posted a link to it, talking about internet stalking since I told him she was writing a blog about us, he told her to stop.... UGH
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:47pm
I think it's called MY Life - you can sign up and they'll tell you if someone is looking for you - also intellius - I think that's the name, and something else net detective but that costs money
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2010
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 11:35pm

Tryin


I do hear what you saying about the OW. I know in my heart that its true. I also know that the right thing for me is that if I am to forgive my husband then he should do right by that baby. I know that is the right thing. but the place I am in right now is to fix mine. Save my child. In the place I am in. I don't care about her or that child. I don't. I know that it is wrong. And One day I hope to be able to forgive her. And ask for forgivness for the way I think right now. She new he was married and she new I had a child. He told her. She should have backed off but she kept pushing herself on him and he became weak and gave in to her. I know my husband was lonely..but so was I and I didn't do what he did. She told my husband if I can't have you then I will make it were you don't have anyone. She thought if she sent me that message that I would divorce him. So you know what I don't give a crap what happens to her or that little Brat. (see that is not me) My husband has brought out the evil in me that I didn't know I had. I never hated someone ever in my life. I will not come second to anyone. I married a single man. I didn't marry someone that had an EX or Children. If that is what I wanted I would have done that. I don't want to share. I don't want to deal with the EX or there children. I know that sound Selfish. but There is a Choice. And my choice was to marry a man that never has been married and never had children. I don't feel sorry for her at all. This is not my mess this is hers and his. He is the one that has to deal with that. I am the victims here. My son is the Victim here. I do feel sorry for the single mothers that are Widowed

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2010
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 9:32am
I can't seem to get the images out of my head...It doesn't help I have actually seen the person he cheated with....It pretty much consumes my day, and I hate it that it has that kind of control over me!
sodevistated
sodevistated

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