Back Again

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Back Again
9
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 8:02pm

Good evening,


I posted back around the holidays when I discovered my husband had profiles on two dating websites.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: disaster_bound
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 10:01pm

while i do not mean to add to your burden i do want to share something i found out on my journey which is very similar to yours. i have been married for nearly 33 years. there are so many friggin cheating sites, he will simply put up a new profile, using a different name, with a different passsword. do you have a program on your computer that allows you to see all that he is doing when logged on? if not, i would recommend such a program. then, and only then will you know if you can trust him.

my husband is very technologically smart, i am a special needs student with that same info - dumber than dirt. i discovered that my husband simply signed up for new email addresses, with new passwords. and while i do check up on him using my limited knowledge i will tell you this IT IS NO WAY TO LIVE.

i wish i could say that i was one of those women who valued herself enough to leave, but alas that is not the case. so what i will share is this - i may talk the talk but do not walk the walk. so i guess what i am trying to say is this I AM A HYPOCRIT. my life, living with someone you know is going to continue to betray, it is hell. it takes away all of your self esteem. i mean all of it.

my husband has no empathy, it is all about him. for what ever friggin reason he seems to believe somewhere down deep that it is ok. it is ok to contact and speak to other women. just like he thought it was ok to 'meet' women on sites, plan to hook up with them, and then meet them and have UNPROTECTED sex with a perfect stranger, the same day/night that he met them. he thought it was ok to paint himself as this dutiful husband, who was sex starved, a real nice guy, married to me the BIATCH. God, give me strength!!!!!!!!!!! my husband wanted something he never expressed to me - anal sex. not that i would have even considered it - but that is just me. and so, here i sit with all of this knowledge of what he did, what he said, and all of the lies. it has affected me in a way that has left a deep scar in my heart, and soul.

so, i guess what i am trying to say is this. what do you want out of life? what do you think you deserve? just how much are you willing to sacrifice to be a part of this man life? and remember in making the decision you will be faced with, it will affect the rest of your life.

you deserve the best, please know this. for whatever reason, he believes you will put up with it. all he needs to say is 'i am sorry' or 'never again'.

i will share with you what happened to me after he swore never again. i then overheard a phone conversation "hey man, i messed up the perfect life. i had the little wife at home and all of the free p---- a man could dream of with no strings attached. i am going to have to lay low for a little while, but you know me, i will be back at it." now tell me does that sound like a man that gets it or a man that truly cares about his wife? ah, i will answer for you, HELL NO, IT DOESN'T. you see i taught him how to treat me, i taught him what i would and would not put up with.

the one tip i will give you is this. if ou decide to have a come to Jesus talk with him DO NOT GET EMOTIONAL, do NOT CRY, just tell him with what i now know i realize we have no future and it is time for me to find the peace, happiness, and fun i deserve. so, i am setting you free - go have the life you want. obviously we are not on the same page. then SHUT UP. say nothing more. let him say what he wants, but say nothing. you see you can believe NOTHING that comes out of his mouth. he needs to know in his heart of hearts that you see him for the liar, cheat he truly is. he needs to know that you love you, value you, and will take any and all steps to protect you.

i hope i have helped. i have a few more suggestions, if you are interested.

let me know.

i wish you peace, happiness, laughter, contentment, integrity, and love.

/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
In reply to: disaster_bound
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 10:15pm

Thank you for you thoughtful (though hard to "hear") post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: disaster_bound
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 10:31pm

there is a thread called snooping & jealously, you might want to post on there for a recommendation.

I basically come here to share my story, in hopes it will help others. sort of like looking in a future crystal ball. unfortunately i have probably made every mistake possible while on this journey, in sharing my story others may see similarites and decide - not for me.

i so hope everything works out for you and you are able to live the life you were meant to. a million dollars is not worth peace of mind.

/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
In reply to: disaster_bound
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 10:58pm

I did post on Snooping & Jealousy back when I learned of the profiles over the holidays.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2010
In reply to: disaster_bound
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:25pm

I used a piece of software called PC Pandora.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: disaster_bound
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:28pm
the pandora recommendation is one i have seen recommended many times over and over again. it is virtually undetectable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
In reply to: disaster_bound
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:36pm

Thank you for the suggestion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
In reply to: disaster_bound
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 12:37pm

You could also try Award keylogger. It is free and is a simple download. If you set it up correctly, it is difficult to find by others. The reason I know is that my WH put it on MY computer while HE was cheating....go figure. IT also records all and has screenshots which are sent directly to your email.


I am sorry you are going through this. Good luck and be strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
In reply to: disaster_bound
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 5:59pm
webwatcher.com it's a downloadable file that hides in the system commands and you can access it from a different computer than the one it's installed on.
Solazzo
Solazzo