Back here again, years later =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Back here again, years later =(
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 2:49pm

I few years back my husband cheated on me with a friend's wife one time. Was a horrible time for us but we moved on.

About 6 months ago I had a gut feeling something was up and checked my H Facebook account and found some intimate conversations with 2 women, one local and the other from his hometown, an old GF from school. I confonted him and he just canceled his FB account. No apologies.

The one from him hometown, will call her woman A, has been texting him often. Over the 6 months, I caught on to their conversations and he ended it with her. The most recent was early February, and I caught on one night while he was at work, he works graveyards, and he had left his phone home, and she was texting in the middle of the night. She mentioned yahoo chat so I checked his laptop which he keeps next to our bed, and it had his pwd saved and I was able to log in. The message archive was enabled and was sickened to read that I saw. They had been having recent webcam conversations, talking about how unfortunate they were to be both married, how cruel a fate it was, and how they would get involved quick if they were divorced. They had also been exposing themselves to eachother via the webcams. I found this out 2 days after quitting my good job to be a SAHM. You can imagine how trapped I felt. I texted her back to never text, call or email my husband again. When he got home I confronted him, and he was upset, not sorry and said he meant to end it with her but that I just sped up the process for him. So far as I can tell, no contact from her to him, but seeing that they have resumed 3 times in 6 months, I am sure there will be more to come.

Having no trust in him and being paranoid, I kept monitoring his phone, pretty easy to do when its on his nightstand while he sleeps all day. He has been texting woman B too whom I think is local where he works. A few days ago she sent him a pic of her breasts and he went on and on about what he wanted to do to them, etc etc. What caught my attention was that he forwarded the pic to a new gmail account. I checked the computer history and he checks it daily but I have yet to be able to access it.

Also he changed his phone from ring to vibrate which I discovered about a week ago when it would go off while we were both still in bed. In addition to keeping his phone close, he has been deleting all messages on phone except those from me. Texts that I saw one day, are gone the next while my older ones are still there. He made a comment to woman B about possibly stopping by right after work in the morning at her work but she never responded.

I dont think that he has been physically cheating on me, but then again who knows what to believe. Alot of emotional affairs. I am trying to bring things up to him without letting him know how I know to protect my limited means to track his actions. He admitted to flirting a day ago, same day he got the breast pics. I told him that I didn't want to have sex anymore because I dont trust that he is faithful. He just keeps telling me the same thing, no apologies, just says that he is here to take care of me until I find someone better.

I hate this situation, we have a 4 and 6 year old, I quit my job to care for them. I dont have any means to support myself. I dont have family or friends that I could move in with. And I spend everyday paranoid and stressed. We have been married 11 years with our anniv. in Feb. and I just want out but I dont know how.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 3:50pm

I;m so sorry - if you just quit, is getting your job back an option?

I was in your situation, the cheating never stopped.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 7:01pm
I'm so sorry you didn't find out about this until 2 days after you quit your job. I was going to ask the same question deedle did. Since you just quit, is there an option to call up your boss and get your job back? Him saying "he's just there until you can find someone better" is not a good thing. But sometimes men just can't be happy with what they've got no matter how good it is. BTW. your babies are so beautiful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 12:32pm

Hi Chizra_eyes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 9:39pm

I am so sorry to hear this. Your husband may never stop cheating. He may have a sexual addiction or may be narcissitic. When they know that you will still stay by them no matter what, they see no reason to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 5:10pm

I"m so sorry you're going through this again.