Bad Day - Need to Vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2013
Bad Day - Need to Vent
Mon, 02-25-2013 - 5:26pm

After a weekend of fighting over stupid stuff, I am having a bad day and just need to vent.  I hate the thoughts that creep into my head - is he angry enough to go back to his affair partner?  Why do I have to think about that when we disagree over something?  I feel like I always have to weigh that stupid concern everytime we get into it about something... and how is that fair to our relationship?  To me?   It makes me so angry.

And then I spiral down further... I am angry that he put me in this position in the first place.  I have never and will never cheat on him.  The thought of it breaks my heart.  How could he do that to me?  I thought I knew the man I married, and I was certain that man would never do that to me.  So certain.  What else am I terribly wrong about?  Who AM I married to? 

Sorry.  Bad day.  And I am p*ssed that I have to suffer like this.  [Insert pity party here].

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Tue, 02-26-2013 - 1:02am

I think arguing just brings up everything but the kitchen sink, and I do NOT think it's abnormal to be feeling leery of his relationship with that affair partner.  It happened, so of course it's still in your head.  And any little reminder seems to bring up every piddly, crappy little detail all over again.  Keep in mind, if there were problems in your marriage, then professional help can help you both.  BUT.....know that his affair didn't have a thing to do with you.  I found that to be such a hard lesson to learn, several therapists all told me that, not to mention I've heard Dr. Phil say that to people on his show over and over.  Still it's hard to believe.  But stop beating up on yourself, you feel like you feel!  You did not make a choice to cheat - he did.  He has broken down the trust in your marriage, and it's his to fix.  So....what's he doing about it? 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2013
Mon, 02-25-2013 - 6:59pm

So sorry you are having such a rough day. We have not fought since DDay, but I am sure it will happen. Only being 4 weeks in I think we are in the honeymoon period. I have often thought if I have the guts to argue if I needed too, because I too would worry it would make him turn away from me,  but you know what, we can not be doormats, we are not the ones in the wrong here.  Recovery will be a long, painful process and if he can not hack it, then there is nothing we can do.  I am so sorry you feel so crappy. I know it pisses me off too when I feel crappy because I did not ask for this and neither did you. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I hope just knowing you are not alone will help.  There are too many of us suffering and it sucks.  Hang tough and update me when you can.