best friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
best friends
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 3:04am
i been married for going on 2 yrs and been with her for since 2003, been best friends since 98 and been in love with her since then. now i find out that a year ago she banged her ex one while i was at work (i work graveyard) in our first place, while our 8 month baby was asleep and before our one yr anniversary. i am going nuts and haven't told anybody. She was the only thing i thought i got right. i even found an email before back in December that said he was at my place i was pissed to say the least but she assured nothing and believed her and moved past it now 2 weeks ago we are fighting about some laundry and then she says OH YEA I DID CHEAT ON YOU DUMDASS. And at that moment i went numb. and i cant even confront the guy cause he lives out of state he was only down on family business. she say she sorry and wants to fix it. i dont know what to do i had her take off for a week but i was so alone and missed my baby she back now being nice. i dont know what to do.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2009
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 8:09am

would you and she consider counseling?

huge hugs to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 9:27am
WOW! Your W sounds like a real nice lady. If my cheating DH would have said something like that to me he would have been thrown out faster than the speed of light. The thing about cheaters is that they are narcisists who want what they want when they want it and have no regard for others. You need to stand up for yourself and let her know that you will survive with or without her. She thinks that your life depends on her being in it and it really doesn't. If she was truly sorry for what she did, she would be more humble. Maybe if you disappeared for a day or two with no explanation she would realize that you are not someone she can walk over. It sounds like you need to show your W that you have feelings and it's not all about her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 10:32am

OK, guy to guy here, I know how you're feeling.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2009
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 11:49am

I can honestly say that I know how you feel...and I'm sorry you're going through this.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 9:07pm
what is DH
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 10:47pm

Hi relentless,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 11:30pm
DH and DW men dear husband and dear wife.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Fri, 07-03-2009 - 1:29am

I think I like Dumba$$ Husband or Dumba$$ Wife better.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Fri, 07-03-2009 - 1:55am

it was extremely cruel of her to admit to it in that way.

but, having said that i would ask do you love her? does she love you? do you believe she is sorry for what she did?

dr. phil says 'when we know better we do better'. i believe that. look, i am NOT a defender of cheaters, anyone who has read my story knows that i know, truly know, the pain of betrayal. but i also believe that we are all human and we make mistakes.

the key is does your wife have empathy for you? does she understand, does she get it what she did hurt you in a bad way. does she get that?????

you can build a new foundation for the two of you - if, that is what you both want. but you both have to want it.

we only go around 1 time in this life, there are no redos. you need to really look inside yourself and make the decision WHAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY/ this is about you. your life is your life, while you may be married, you are separate from your marriage. 2 people coming together in marriage are just that 2 people. neither should loose their individuality, we must remain true to "me". do you really know her? was this a bad choice, something we all have done in life - or was this a reflection of who and what she is all about?

this is a personal decision. it is imperative that you are able to find out how she really feels about all of this. then, it is up to you...... you can leave or you can decide to build on a new foundation - one built on honesty, trust, love, respect, and integrity.

this is a great site with many very caring and insightful persons. read as many post as you can,,,, i can assure you in each post there is something to learn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
Sat, 07-04-2009 - 7:57am

thanks for the 180 it give me something to focus on. now i am i dont know what. i still havent told anyone but the people who read this i wish i could get over feeling of failure of this and tell somebody. i saw my sister today i was just sceaming in my head to tell what i am going through but the words couldnt come out at all. it weird everybody loves our relationship you know the couple people look to because we i guess it seemed like we had it all figured out. I always felt that would give our m more power more stability.

anyway thanks for reading