Betrayed, but I don't know how
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|Wed, 06-22-2011 - 10:44pm|
After almost 20 years of normal happy married life and a couple of teenage kids together, I've been blindsided. My husband said he's miserable and wants out, as soon as possible, within the month. In our state we need a year of separation and he wants to get the clock started. I am so shocked, confused, devastated. It's like he became someone I don't recognize. There've been strange things over the years, sudden interest in extra grooming, secret trips attributed to work, and a generally increasing atmosphere of nothing I ever do being right or good, constant belittling. But I thought there just needed to be more open commmunication, more understanding and supportiveness on my part, a complete physical checkup and depression screening for him, normal stuff. I had no idea that, as he says, he has not loved me for a long time and has no interest in me whatsoever. I've been betrayed by something and the most confusing thing is not knowing what it is. Nothing adds up. He cited stress about the house but wants to have me and the kids stay in the house because it's not a good time to sell. He cited child rearing issues but that seems like such a solvable problem - we even have friends who did great with coparenting classes. It's suspicious that there's such a hurry, and that there's such finality in his unilateral decision. So aside from just looking for some verification that I'm not the crazy one here, I do have a question...
We're going to try counseling, which will help all of us regardless of how this turns out, and I wondered what hope I might have, what I could do to encourage him to be honest in there so I can find out what actually happened to me. I'm pretty sure he's not been honest with me so far. I feel like he's just saying whatever it takes to accomplish his goal of separation. Anyone else been through this type of betrayal? Any hope for us to get back on track? TIA.