For a betrayer

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
For a betrayer
78
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 10:23am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 1:39pm

AMEN TO U TOO SISTA!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 2:09pm
...I am a lifetime (literally) away from the infidelity in my marriage...as I feel about 75% responsible for events that led to the infidelity of course I would have rather not known...the infidelity really brought home (I was privy to a lot of personal writings that went on between the other woman and my husband) my failures as a spouse...yuck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 2:47pm

I' m curious why you would say it was 75% your fault and why you would feel like a failure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 3:16pm

Beingquiet,


I was much like you. I knew something was not quite right and kept trying to make things better for" him "and make "him" happy. It did not matter what I did he found fault. I felt unloved, unappreciated and invisible too.


My husband told me it was never my fault. That he thought he could do this and it was ok as long as I never found out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 3:53pm

Absolutely, the "pain" cheaters feel is self-inflicted, I have no sympathy, neither does my therapist!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 4:00pm
Zejayge, please keep reading here, because you're doing what so many of us have done.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 5:16pm

FDW

I too find it interesting that she had to mention the AP wife being overweight (I suppose just another justification to cheat)
As you said look at Elin Woods (soon to divorce her H) and a good thing for her and those little ones is that she'll be set up financially for life. Also look at Sandra Bullock and how beautiful she is, and her H chose to cheat with tatooed strippers and the like.
Another beauty that comes to mind is Christy Brinkley and how her H was cheating on her. Which just goes to show you that you can be one of the most beautiful woman around AND have a perfect body too, and if it is in a mans character, he STILL will cheat. I think the reality of it is that many men will always want what they don't have at home, and that's why so many of them look at porn or fantasize about the women at the office.
Funny I heard something on Dr. Oz about some men actually having a cheating gene in their DNA. Oh boy so now we all need to go get our mans DNA tested for that cheating gene before we marry them (big eye roll here) LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 8:02pm
...this is not a new situation for me...as a matter of fact, I am 10 years removed and happily remarried...I was a young, immature, selfish wife to my first husband...I cut off the sex...I did not want to spend time with him...I wanted him to be happy without expecting me to be a mate...I was all for being married (way of life/status) I just didn't want to hug, cuddle, kiss, have sex with, spend time with, date, or have a romance with him...he came to me several time and told me that he wanted us to go to counseling...he wanted us to spend more time together...he wanted to know what he could do so that I would feel less stress and would want to be in a romantic relationship with him...he wanted very much to be a romantic partner to me (I am not just talking about sex, he loved physical/emotional affection as much as he loved sex)...he begged me to seek solutions for about 5 years...then, he told me that he felt vulnerable to someone that he had met and he needed me to work with him on our relationship and I ignored him...I would be a very attentive partner for a week and then I would revert back to my old ways...when the stuff hit the fan, and he told me that he was thinking of divorcing, I reminded him that half of his retirement would be mine and I would move back to my mother's hometown which was a 1000 miles away (at least) and I would make it very difficult to see his son...so, of course he backed off of the divorce...as I found out after he was killed, he indeed became involved and he found comfort with her...it was hard to read their correspondence...he did not lie to her and he did not promise her the moon...but, he was emotionally attached to her...he really tried everything he could and I road blocked him at every move...I learned a lot of lessons and the biggest lesson that I learned is that my relationship will be as good as I make it...I cherish my husband now...I am a partner in every way...I am not certain that I would have ever been that sort of partner to my first husband...I was not attracted to him in any way...he was an excellent provider and father...but...I was not in love with him...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 3:02am

Alice,


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 3:17am

I hear ya, really I do.

 

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