For a betrayer

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
For a betrayer
78
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 10:23am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 4:54am
And the sad thing is that many of these men that leave, do not realize what they have lost until after they have given up their families, their home, and their integrity as an honest man, until after the fog of the affair dissipates and reality hits.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 6:26am
...he did consider divorcing...but, he was in the military and I would have taken everything (different day in '93)...and, then I would have taken his son...he was about 7 months into a 6 year re-enlistment when he finally came to the conclusion that I was never going to put the effort into a relationship with him beyond cooking, cleaning, and being a stay at home parent to his child as well as accompanying him to military functions and presenting a unified front for his career...he lived with a woman who wanted nothing to do with him as a man...I cut him off at every pass...he'll be dead 11 years in December...guilt isn't what I feel, I am a realist...I betrayed our vows first with my total neglect...I ignored and turned my back on every request he made to seek help...again, I am a realist...I know now that I simply wasn't sexually/romantically attracted to him...I married an excellent provider...and a good father...and, that is all that I wanted from him...guilt is not my motivator in my conclusions...I have a second chance at a happy relationship...in good times and bad...I've learned that I can't take another person for granted...and, I've learned what I need in a relationship...it's a shame that I did not simply say out loud when my first husband asked me to marry him "I am not in love with you as a man...I love you as a friend"...he spent a miserable marriage with me...and, then he died...he didn't get a second chance...thank God (and I mean that) that for a small period of time he was able to bask in the comfort of a woman who adored him...then he had to come home to me...and, I would have taken him to the cleaners if he had tried to leave...his son meant everything to him...but, I wouldn't have played fair if he had separated from me...and, he knew...as it was, I figuratively cut his throat while he provided me with a great life...he knew that if he literally cut my throat with a divorce and removed me from the lifestyle I liked, I would pay him back with cutting off contact with his son...I don't blame him...I am grateful (as I did love him as a friend) that he found comfort...I am grateful, but undeserving, for my second chance...it's not (my story) a reflection of anyone else...my responsibility doesn't mean anyone else has any in their marriage's infidelity...it's just story...that's all...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2009
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 3:04pm

What BS... I too read alot of posts on the other boards and really I just can not understand why Ivillage

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 3:13pm
I don't know what more to say, no matter WHAT you did, an affair has no justification, not ever.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 5:35pm
It's like everything else, nothing agrees with everyone.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 6:40pm
...I think you read guilt because that's easier than reading "zejayge was a total bitch and Job would not have remained faithful"...I betrayed him first by not being a wife, I betrayed him again when he came to me with his concerns of having met someone and feeling vulnerable (after years of begging me to work with him somehow...after years of begging me to tell him what he could do to make life less stressful for me so that I would want to enjoy a romantic relationship with him (not just sex...he was really into affection both physical and emotional)...by telling him that I would ruin him if he divorced me...worse, I would separate him from his son...I would not have been truthful to me either...thank goodness I've learned that I am not the most important person in the world and thank goodness I've learned that I should always be honest...I should have told him up front that I was marrying him for the provider/father potential he showed...he could have then decided if he wanted to proceed with that sort of platonic/married relationship...in the end, I feel my betrayals of him were far worse than his...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 2:34pm
Okay.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 2:40pm
...does a person that experienced infidelity in their marriage have to need something to post here?..
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 9:55pm

i know what EAS and MAS stand for but what does AAS stand for?


carol

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 11:42pm
You didn't come here for assistance?

 

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