XAP's wife is probably just really confused since she knows nothing of what is wrong with her marriage. She deserves to know more than my H, because that would expose the real issues in their marriage and they COULD rebuild from there. It sounds hypocritical but it is what it is.
It doesn't just "sound" like it's hypocritical.
“Wowee. You sure have some anger, huh?”
Alice, Wow! did you open a can of worms with this one.
"Granted. So why didn't you just say that instead of "...an even worse (much worse) tag must be thrown at your spouse"? What reason would you have for saying that one OW/OM is "worse" than another if you weren't hateful toward the pain BSs experience?"
...I'm not certain what you mean by most of this paragraph...but, I'll say again...strictly from a counseling stand point, versus a therapeutic one...anger is better spent directed toward a spouse that has betrayed you (ambiguous "you") than at the person they had sex/emotional attachment with/to...it is the person that you (again, ambiguous, not personal) married that should treat you with respect, love, and support...directing anger/energy/emotions toward the affair partner during a rebuilding/are we rebuilding phase is useless...again, I don't know what you mean as far as me having said that that one affair partner (om/ow) is worse than another...but, even if I did, I don't think that equals "hateful" toward a betrayed souse's pain...all that my response meant is that if we feel that the person our spouses slept with are bad, our spouses are so much worse...
Thank you for clearing that up.
Wow. Since this thread already has other APs on it, I wanted to chime in and thank all of you for being so honest with such gut -wrenching intensity.
Thank you janejosie for your side of the fence.