For a betrayer

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
For a betrayer
78
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 10:23am

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 10:58am
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 11:53am

XAP's wife is probably just really confused since she knows nothing of what is wrong with her marriage. She deserves to know more than my H, because that would expose the real issues in their marriage and they COULD rebuild from there. It sounds hypocritical but it is what it is.


It doesn't just "sound" like it's hypocritical.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 1:05pm

“Wowee. You sure have some anger, huh?”


Oh, man!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 1:52pm

Alice, Wow! did you open a can of worms with this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 5:29pm


"Granted. So why didn't you just say that instead of "...an even worse (much worse) tag must be thrown at your spouse"? What reason would you have for saying that one OW/OM is "worse" than another if you weren't hateful toward the pain BSs experience?"

...I'm not certain what you mean by most of this paragraph...but, I'll say again...strictly from a counseling stand point, versus a therapeutic one...anger is better spent directed toward a spouse that has betrayed you (ambiguous "you") than at the person they had sex/emotional attachment with/to...it is the person that you (again, ambiguous, not personal) married that should treat you with respect, love, and support...directing anger/energy/emotions toward the affair partner during a rebuilding/are we rebuilding phase is useless...again, I don't know what you mean as far as me having said that that one affair partner (om/ow) is worse than another...but, even if I did, I don't think that equals "hateful" toward a betrayed souse's pain...all that my response meant is that if we feel that the person our spouses slept with are bad, our spouses are so much worse...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 6:39pm

Thank you for clearing that up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 10:35pm

Wow. Since this thread already has other APs on it, I wanted to chime in and thank all of you for being so honest with such gut -wrenching intensity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 10:48pm
Crap.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 8:41am
...in my case...(I had the opportunity to read a lot of correspondence between my husband and his girlfriend)...he felt more of an obligation to me than love...now, he loved his son and he knew that divorcing me (he was in the Army) would mean the end of either his physical closeness or his career(he had just re-enlisted for 6 years and was almost 20 into his career when he was killed)...if he stayed with me until our child was older (6 years old), he would have the opportunity to be a real part of his life during his times at home (instead of just a visit here and there and email/phone calls)...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 11:26am

Thank you janejosie for your side of the fence.

Pages