Both been betrayed

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2012
Both been betrayed
3
Tue, 01-10-2012 - 3:42pm

My new boyfriend and I (in our 50s) have an incredible thing going.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 3:36am
I get both of you having wounds, and trust issues. But I find it immature of him to keep saying things like "when you dump me". That lack of confidence in your feelings, and his own deep insecurities, seen to me that he isn't ready for another relationship. If indeed these communications with the FB friend were recent (as in, since you two entered into an exclusive relationship), I'd even say he's going behind your back like this to comfort himself. If you do hurt him, he has collateral - he's been behaving in such a way that he knows is especially hurtful to you.

It's up to you whether or not to confront him about what you found , but keep in mind that regardless, these behaviors all point to him not having recovered enough to be a fully involved, fully devoted partner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2012
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 3:30pm
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. It helps a lot. We are both damaged by cheating. So my bad habit of looking at email and his of keeping the lines open -- those are the things that are keeping us from totally committing to one another. I will look into some counselling. I don't want to give this up - I think he is wonderful -- just a bit more messed up than me :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 8:07am

(((haler2005)))