broken, confused & lost...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2011
broken, confused & lost...
4
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 2:01pm

I recently found out that my husband of 2 years was having Emotional Affairs. I have been with my husband for over ten years, and we are married for two. I always thought we were happy, I never thought we were perfect, but happy wasn't a question for me. I found out a year ago when paying the cell phone bill that he had been making phone calls and texts to this one long distance number A LOT! When I confronted him he told me she was just a friend, someone he met playing a game who had problems and they both discussed issues together, and made each other feel better by never putting a face to the voice and just listening. I believed it but asked that it stop. He told me he stopped it and I believed him, no questions asked. Here we are a year later, and I find out he is doing it again, but worse. I found a message he wrote to her saying how she was the only one who could make him smile and that "last night 'making love to her' was amazing.... and so on. Of course, with a broken heart I confront him to find that she is also from a game. He said it was a game to him, all a game of seeing how much these girls would want him. He admits its sick and says there is no connection and deleted all ties to it, in front of me (but who knows, technology these days you can reaccess anything). When I looked further into this game, and got into his account I found that the first girl wasn't just a friend, she wasn't part of woman #2 extremities (phone sex) but they would say I miss you, I love you, I can't wait to talk to you..... Seeing my husband write I love you to someone else alone was the most heartbreaking thing in the world for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 2:12pm

he wants something from you he is not willing to give

he is the not the man you thought he was (remind yourself regularly to get perspective)

he cannot be trusted, he would have to have real regret, remorse and give you full access to all email, phone records etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 2:44pm

Hugs geemarie,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 10:15pm
I am sorry you are going through this. What really worries me about this situation is that he doesn't seem to be accepting responsibility for any of this. He said YOU don't make him feel loved- YOU don't make him feel special ...what about his part in all of this? Has he said he was worry and admitted where he was wrong. When I caught my ex the first time he was texting and talking to the girl he later cheated on me with....he gave me the exact list of excuses. When someone is telling you/ showing you who there truly are...sometimes you have to listen.
Be strong- and remember marriage is a partnership where both individuals needs are supposed to be equally important? What about your needs the past year?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2011
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 10:38am

I appreciate your replys more than you can imagine. Right now, I am seeing a marriage counselor and seeing where that takes me. I am trying to 'get over' it as best as I can with his help. I have full access to e-mails, phone and whatever else I ask for without questions which in some ways makes me happy, but I don't want to have to do that - you know? The place we're at now is that he is trying to be there for me 120%, whenever I want to talk hes there, and just being overall supportive so I guess one can only wait and see.