Can I belive anything he says now????
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|Thu, 03-18-2010 - 7:28pm|
I went through my husbands phone the other day and found a half-naked picture he had taken of himself and sent to his own email. When I confronted him about it and made him show me his email account the floodgates were opened and I found out that he has been cyberchatting with all kind of women on these XXX sites that are basically designed for people who want to meet for sex. He has set up all of these secret email accounts and profiles to communicate with the woman. He admitted he'd been doing it for about 6 months. First he said it was all just talk and he never acted on it but after some more digging in his computer I found emails of him making plans to meet and saying things like can't wait to see you again. So then he admitted he did meet some of them but only casually for drinks and nothing happened except a kiss at the end of the night. WTF!?! Why should I believe it didn't go further and even if it didn't he's basically out there dating while we are married? I have been torturing myself reading every email and chat. He has sent naked picture of himself to people and gotten a ton from these online XXX dating sluts and most of them are FUG compared to me. He has had countless cybersex chats and there are a lot of emails of him trying to make plans to meet woman.
We've only been married for a year and a half. I thought we had a perfectly happy marriage, I was completely blind-sided. He says that he is ashamed and humiliated and will never do it again. He did give me the passwords to all of his accounts and with me sitting and watching he sent emails to every single woman he had been in contact with telling them never to contact him again, that he had been found out and that he was wrong to every try and cheat.
He says that he loves me and is happy in our marriage but isn't happy with anything else in his life and thinks that might be why he started this up. Apparently he feels like our sex life is in a rut but he never said anything to me about it. We've never been crazy but we have great chemistry and I'm not withholding sex from him. He says me finding out was his wake up call that he needs to start talking to me about what he needs/wants sexually and commit to being a real husband. He's agreed to go to therapy with me. He's saying and doing all the right things but why should I believe a single word he says and even if he does mean it, why the hell should I give him another chance.
I'm in such turmoil over this. I can't tell anyone about it until I figure out what I'm going to do. I'd be too humiliated to tell people what he's done. He cheated on me back when we were dating. We broke up over it but eventually ended up back together and he swore it would never happen again. Everyone knows about that time, if I tell them about this they will all think I'm a fool if I decide to stay. But the truth is that I don't want to leave him, I love him more than anything in the world. We just bought a house and were about to start a family. The thought of leaving him and starting over is terrifying. I want to believe him that he'll never do it again and that he really wants to be more open with me in the future but how can I believe he really means it or that it won't happen again in a year or so. My head tells me I should just cut my loses and get out of this marriage as soon as possible but my heart tells me I should give him/us a chance. I just don't know how I could ever really trust him again and I don't want to be a bitter cold person. I want a loving happy marriage. I don't know what to do.