Caught in an emotional affair and blamed it on me!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2012
Caught in an emotional affair and blamed it on me!!
8
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 4:26pm

My husband has been verbally abusing me off and on for our whole 20 year relationship. We have an 8 year old daughter and things have been gradually worse over the years. As a result I have gained a lot of weight and I sometimes drink in excess when I drink every other weekend or less. He's using alcohol as the excuse for him sending and receiving numerous ( at least 100) texts from another single woman. He did this to me 6 years ago when

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2012
Best of luck, I hope the counseling is very successful for all 3 of you
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2012

He doesn't drink heavily but sometimes I do I think to deal with abuse. He does smoke marijauna almost every day so I think that makes him a hypocrite and is using alcohol to make me look bad. We have an appointment to see a counselor on Tuesday so we'll see if he doesn't try to get out of it. I've never been to marriage counseling but i'm hoping the therapist sees right through him. I will also be making an appointment for my daughter to go separately. I'm not sure if I can forgive him this time even though he's blaming it on me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2012
You have more that enough reasons to leave and it doesn't matter what he he says to you, he knows that he is in the wrong. Cheating spouses usually do try to turn things around to blame you, it's part of his guilt. Again you are totally justified in leaving right now. If you really want hard evidence you can look for it. Does he contact women on the computer? Do you have access to his cell phone and are you on the cell phone account? You said he drinks heavily and smokes marijuana, does he sleep heavily and where is his phone then? Meg
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2012

And now I'm finding out more and more information just tonight because

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 11:48pm

(((nncylynn)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2012

The worst part is that he turned around and accused me of sleeping with someone else now and six years ago when he did this to me. He is so obviously guilty that he is accusing to me and i never even came close to cheating on him, emotionally or physically. He is now walking around acting as if HE has the problem with ME. He's turning everything around and is such a manipulator that he has me second guessing myself. He is the CLASSIC verbal abuser!! Everything I read about him on the internet site about verbal abuse fit him to a tee including making himself out to be great to everyone else,.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2012

My best advice is that you can't stay based on what you are afraid of happeneing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

You may have to leave him. The biggest thing here is that you daughter is seeing him verbally abuse you and seeing you using drinking as an escape from it. This is not good for her to be seeing all this. And you don't want her to grow up thinking this is normal husband behavior when she gets married some day.