caught in the text

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
caught in the text
10
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 4:54pm

Just found out about cheating husband yesterday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2007
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 5:09pm
Tell him that the only way you can work on things is if he tells you the truth no matter how nasty it is. Once you know everything.....then you can try to work on things. Give yourself time, don't let others tell you what to do once you know everything. It is still your marriage....try to see what went wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 5:49pm
You make it crystal clear to him that if he has any more contact with her that he is risking losing his family cause if you find out he is having ANY contact with her that you will be taking the kids and leaving. AND BE FIRM ABOUT IT. Even if you don't intend to leave you need to make him think about if this OW is worth losing his family over. Once they know your SERIOUS and won't put up with it they often stop. But if he has no fear of consequences he won't stop the behavior. You need to make him see that this little crush or whatever it is, is not the least bit acceptable.Trust me on this one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 11:21pm

First, see a lawyer immediately.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 11:40pm
Thanks for all your advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 12:02am

in situations like this honesty is the best policy. my personal opinion is yes, the other womans husband should be told. i have read many stories on this site in which the other woman is not honest with her partner, some even go so far as to try to keep the affair going.

please understand this, i am a betrayed wife. i will now explain something to you that will be hard to hear. most men, will lie, lie, lie. yes, even though you have confronted him, it is as if they are just not willling to come clean. so please be aware of that. he must understand how his actions have affected you. he must also have and show EMPATHY, that is the ability to put himself in your shoes. he has to get it, has to be aware of the pain he has caused. additionally he needs to be very much aware of the fact that he needs to decide NOW. either i love her and i want to be with her (her meaning YOU) or i do not. he has to know that if it ever happens again GOODBYE> that of course is if you are willing
to forgive him this time.

no matter what you decide, i wish you well. i am sorry you are part of our club, it is a club that noone really wants to belong to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 12:09am

I take it you mean he did cheat, kissed and spent time with the OW.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 12:32am
Even if you do not decide to call OW husband just yet, you should TELL your H that if he has any further contact with her that you have found OW's home no. and WILL NOT hesitate to call her husband if you have to. Often times the little fantasy ends when they know they are about to be exposed. The secrecy is often what fuels the affair and if people in affairs KNEW ahead of time that they were going to get caught and be exposed, they would usually not start up an affair to begin with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 9:43am
Everything Shari said in her post is exactly right! Total transparency and counseling, or no marriage.He needs to understand why he did this and you need to find out how to better meet his needs in the marriage. Put some money aside for yourself just in case things don't work out. This will give you a sense of security. It's a long road back, but if you think your H is basically a decent guy who just screwed up, your marriage can be better than ever. I am 2 yrs. past DD and still have some tough moments, but my H and I are very close and honest w/each other again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2009
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 10:01am
I am in your same boat. Last week I became aware
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 1:41pm
Move in w/your parents or change the locks to show him you mean business and get an attorney. He's not serious, and you're too nice. Tell him when he becomes totally transparent and goes for counseling, then you'll talk. He needs to feel some pain! Also, put some money in a separate acct. for yourself. Hang in and don't take any abuse.