Chated on While Pregnant

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Chated on While Pregnant
3
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 2:01am
To begin with I was suspicious of a relationship "friendship"my husband had with a woman for a year or so. In appropriate. Well after me saying I know somwthing is going on and told I am a dumbass for several years. I was at home on a uterine monitor to prevent preterm labor at 8 mos my husband goes out drinking and playing softball ends up cheating on me and lies to me. Blames it on his boss saying he got drunk and he had to bring him home. He used his visa bank card o hold a hotel room, and the paid cash for the room when he left. Meanwhile I am at home alone. Our other children were at camp. He li es to me the next day. I find out because the hotel accidentally charged the card also even though he paid cash. I confronted him and in the long run ended up going to the hotel myself to get reciept of the room!!!! He tells me he does not know if he can stop talking to this woman. And as far as I know decided he would. Well a month later I find him talking expicitly to a lady that lives in our neighborhood. He has since ended up hiring her to work for our company in an office alone the 2 of them. Should I leave him or deal with the stress of worry and trying to catch him in the act?
Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 2:27am

Ok, your not going to like this, but this is common. Get your hands on a book called, "Getting Past the Affair." It talks about this a bit. Men even cheating the day their child is born. It's like a rebellion of having to give up their youth.

The good news is that it really had nothing to do with you. It isn't personal. The bad news is that it hurts, it is insulting and it happened and he can't take it back.

Let's get to basics. TAKE CARE OF YOU NOW! Begin eating right, begin eating, but no junk food. Get some exercise to burn off some of this stress. I do leg lifts in several directions, crunches because I have a bad back. (had a bad back, It's great now) and pushups. Make something up and do it or do something you learned in school. But do it and don't stop. In six months, you are going to look fantastic and will be able to pick a good man to be with, even if that ends up being your husband.

Work the 180 list. If you don't know what that is. ASK.

See a lawyer. You don't have to use him, but it's good to have that in place. And it will help settle him down and force him to start making choices. Most people when forced to make a choice will try and make a good one.

chin up. You can do this. Keep posting. You are going to be OK, no matter what.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 2:43am
We have been married 12 years and have to boys 11 and 10 went through 10 years hoping to have a girl. He ended up causing me stress induced eclampsia that almost killed me seriously after 18 mos I am still dealing with the physical repercussions and probably will the rest of my life he has lied to my kids telling them I am nuts for the way I act but in no way would be honest about why mommy went through depression and almost died. Just sickens me some days I was not strong enough to walk away when it happened.
Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 4:01am
How are things currently? You folks working things out? Or is the marriage at a standstill?

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.