Cheated on for real this time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Cheated on for real this time.
20
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 4:42pm

My wife and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 4:26pm
...good for you all the way around...I am glad to hear that you're moving forward for you...and, your children...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 9:02pm

Hi Dad,



I called myself being quiet because I have been being quiet for the most part except for the angry outbursts after a trigger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 11:28am

Few things, first, she SEEMS to realize after yesterday how serious I am, and also how bad she screwed up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 2:12pm

Hope it works our for you, it's a roller coaster of emotions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 1:26pm
Good luck, dadfor6. I hope all goes well for you.
Just a word of caution. Are you sure this has only been going on for less than a year?
When I found out about my ex's affair(s), it turned out that they had been going on for over twenty years and I didn't have a clue. I just thought I had married a woman with no sex drive and once she had (her) two kids, she was just through with the process.
Little did I know that she made any guy I ever knew look like a hermit when it came to wanting sex.
She just didn't want it with me. I, too spent much of my time away at work providing for the household.
The difference between my situation and apparently hers was that I needed to exhaust all my efforts in accomplishing that which needed to be done in order to earn a living. In your wife's case, it appears that she has a higher intellect and thus doesn't require the effort that I did to do even better.
The hardest pill to swallow for me was finding out that "our children" were in reality, hers and two of her better friends.
Hope this isn't the case for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 2:11pm

Hi. How horrible for you to find out what had been going on. In my case I know for certain that this guy is someone that she met through work and she just began working in this job within the last 3 years. So while I don't know how long she may have ultimately been unfaithful, I know this A is less than that time frame.
For me, it hurts to know that she performed oral sex on this man, and hasn't done so with me for several years. That's the ultimate slap that she would please him in this way, but couldn't do so for me. I had no problem taking care of her (the thought of doing that and she may have had sex w him the day before, or who knows when is nasty) but yet she couldn't do that for me? But for this om? Wow.
Far as my kids, I believe there's no chance they're anyone else's, we share too many charecteristics. I really don't doubt their mine, but if I did it wouldn't change that they are. I'm not involving them in her problems, they don't need to deal with what their mother has done.
Anyway, I wish this was easier for all of us, but there is no answer, no insta-fix here. Our MC doesn't seem very effective, my wife wants to stick her head in the sand and try to go on with life and ignore everything is my impression, wife says no, but I only say what I see.
So, yeah, I really wish things could go back to where ever it was that we lost each other, but it can't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 3:35pm
One thing is certain.It's never over until the final split. It seems that you are intent on salvaging your relationship with your wife in spite of what she has put you through. In my case, it all happened so fast once I became aware, that we split with her getting pretty much everything and me getting my freedom. The kids were already essentially gone since one had graduated from college and the other was in his senior year, so all she was interested in was her "freedom" and everything we had shared and that I had provided.
In any event, it only took about eighteen months for her and one or more of her friends to lose it all to taxes and poor financial planing. She contacted me recently to see if I would consider getting back with her but I told her that it had been so long since I felt we were actually "together" that I couldn't recall anything good about it and turned her down.
Your children will always be yours so you will always want to provide them with any assistance they may need.
Good luck with restoring your confidence in your wife but somehow I don't think she is indicating she is willing to earn it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 4:15pm

Well, I definitely agree with what you see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 12:52am
Hi Dadfor6
If you are not finding this counselor an aid you should shop around and find one that you like - don't keep a bad counselor (you need support and sanity lol)
Peace & Strength to you
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 9:19pm
Wow...I could have written this.

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