cheated on while sick...how to forgive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2009
cheated on while sick...how to forgive?
3
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 1:07am
My ex-husband cheated on me last year while I was going thru chemotherapy treatment for
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 2:25am
I feel terrible for you, but I have heard stories of this before. I had a friend who had MS who's H was cheating on her. I found out when she was bedridden that her H was messing around with a woman at work (thru another person) And have read other stories where the wife was in treatment for cancer and her H was out running around. Here's what I think. Men are basically big babies and want to be taken care of by their wives, just as their mother took care of them when they were little boys. They need a lot of attention and tending to. When the role is reversed and they have to take care of a sick wife, they just don't handle the role reversal very well. They want to be taken care of BUT often times do not have what it takes to be a care giver to someone that is ill. Therefore when they are not getting all their needs for attention, sex and etc. met, they can easily turn to another woman that's offering to meet these needs. Not that they should be in any way excused for their behavior, but I think that these are the dynamics at play here. It is perfectly understandable that you are bitter and angry towards them, but with her being 20 years younger than him he could have been telling her almost anything to justify his affair with her, and with her being young and most likely naive she probably believed whatever he was telling her. Your anger should be mostly directed at your ex and not her. And remember he probably would have had an affair with any young gal that was directing her attention to him at the time. She was not necessarily special to him. Truth is you may never be able to forgive him because he has not shown you any remorse for what he has done to you. Telling you to just "get over it" was indeed cruel and unforgivable. But holding all this bitterness inside will just destroy you even more. I think it would really behove you to get some counseling and get this out to someone. You cannot move forward if you are holding on to anger and bitterness from the past. Holding on to all of this is very self destructing for you. A good counselor will help you move beyond this. And you can ALWAYS come here. There are a lot of kind and compassionate people on this board who are always willing to talk to a cyber sister in pain. ((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 9:06am

Jules..I can't imagine that. My mom had breast cancer about 5 years ago. I was afraid my dad was going to have a heart attack running back and forth with my mom.


What your H did is the lowest of the low. I thinbk there is a special spot in H*ll for someone that does what he did.


The best advice I can offer you is take one day at time. Be polite to the jerk and start to rebuild your life around your kids. I am doing just that. I am focused om my girls and right I barely think about my W. I will at some point in time but right now I am focused on them.


Keep posting her.


Jack....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 9:20am
Jules, I am so sorry! But here is something positive to keep in mind... You are better off w/out him. Why would you want to be w/someone so shallow and heartless anyway? You need to reclaim your health and mother your children and eventually you will find someone who cherishes the ground you walk on.Don't waste your anger on them- it's not worth expending the negative energy. You are lucky,really- you are free of him! You can build a better life for your kids and yourself. I know how difficult it is to go thru 2 traumas simultaneously. My mother is dying now and even though I am 2 yrs. past my H. affair, the triggers and anxiety are suddenly resurfacing when I was already healed.