Cheating husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Cheating husband
25
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 9:50am
I just found out my husband has been meeting with a girl a the gym on a daily basis. he says he hasn't slept with her but has messed around with her. he has made a private email address and had talked to her on MySpace. that's how i caught him. he was on the couch and i woke up feeling something was wrong. he was asleep with his iPhone next to him. so of course i looked at his phone and there the mssgs were, on MySpace, clear as day. I saw RED when i saw her mssg of "baby i really need to see you". what gets me is i know who this girl is. we have a son together, he is 2 yrs old. i'm torn apart. he said he had to go and think about things, which, i'm not the one that was cheated on, but he left a couple of nights and the 1st night he left, he talked to her all night when he said he had to go think about US. the next n ight he said he didn't go to her and made up with me and requested we

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 11:24am

I'm so sorry you had to find us, but glad you did.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 11:34am
thank you for the insight. now let me tell you this and see what you think. he cancelled his gym membership, he said he wants to look forward instead of backward and he told me yesterday that he talked to a friend of his that cheated on his wife and asked what to do about the healing process. his friend told him that him and his wife are stronger and happier
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 11:59am

It sounds like he is saying the right things and has a good perspective on the situation; that this isn't going to just blow over, it will take work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 12:14pm

He's saying and doing all the right things.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 2:40pm
i went onto the website and took a look at the 180. i also read the letter the unknown author wrote to her cheating husband. i made my own letter out of hers. i gave it to him at lunch. it had all the words that my heart felt and even told him that i did some research and used things to help with this letter. i added alot that came from my heart in my own words. i asked if if this girl was attached to him and not letting him go after he told her to. he said absolutely not. he ended it. i still can't trust him, but i will not dwell on what might be happening. is that wise? i even told him that both sets of our parents went through this same thing. i want to think he has no more ties with her. i also told him that if i find out 3 weeks later or more that they still have ties or she hasn't let go, then it's over. and if it's her not letting go, then me and her have a problem, not so much me and him. if he's ended it. i just want to make sure that i'm going about this the right way without begging him to be with me because he's guilty and doesn't want to hurt me again. i want him to be with me cause he wants to be. i don't want pity
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Fri, 07-10-2009 - 1:05pm

From everything you've told us I think you're handling it beautifully.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Mon, 07-20-2009 - 10:05am
it has definitely been hell on earth the past 3 weeks. even had a death in my family last week to top things off. he is still home with me but i have asked him a few questions when i began to feel insecure again. it makes him angry that i can't let it go. he says he knows he made a mistake and he's so regretful and sorry and the fact i can't let go makes him feel like i'm not and i won't let go of it to make us work. i feel bad for thinking bad things, but i cannot control it. i'm still checking the detailed phone bill, the OW myspace, driving by the gym in the morning to see if he is "stopping" by. i don't want to do any of this. he has actually reached out to his best friend that has had an A on his wife and also he's reaching out to his uncle for advice. his father died in 2003. so if he's reaching out for this advice, i have to think he wants this to work. but we all want to think lots of things when something like this happens, but sometimes it's impossible to think of pink clouds and butterflies, isn't it? lol i brought up something about her yesterday. he got upset but we talked calmly last night and it was good. but he's now in the position to where he is wondering what is best for us. as in, should he stay and wait and go through my stormy days, or should he leave and make it better for me. he feels he is
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-20-2009 - 7:07pm
Your H has to realize the deep wound that betrayal causes - it is NOT something you just say "sorry" and put a bandaid over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 3:47pm
I don't want to think he is grieving the loss of this girl. They don't all do that do they? We have had a rough few weeks, but he has made it clear he wants to be home, and he wants me and only me. He knew it didn'[t justify his reasoning for talking to this girl, but he felt like I didn't want him. I admit, I wasn't showing alot of attention or affection the past few months. But liek he said, it doesn't justify it, but he couldn't help feeling I didn't want him. So he didn't think I would really care if he talked to someone else. He found out that I DO CARE. lol..He wants me to be able to get over this because he doesn't want to see me hurting or harboring bad feelings. He doesn't want me to pretend I'm happy, he wants me to BE happy. Will I
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Tue, 07-28-2009 - 9:23am

I need your help...or advice, I guess. You know this all started July 1st when i found out he was seeing another "girl". Since then we have ridden an extrememely high adrenaline roller coaster. Let me start with what he has said...."I love you, I want to make this work, but

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