Cheating Wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2007
Cheating Wife
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 1:06am

I am a 47 yo married man with four children, ages 4-19. I am a profesional


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 6:05pm

Thank you Daggar, it's very kind for you to include me in your prayer list.

Hmmm...weekend....well I did a massive clean up of the house...needed it and I'm sort of preparing for the beginning of December and setting up for Christmas. Laundry isn't completed....but oh well...we have clean socks and underwear and other clothes to wear even if they're not the favs... I have no intention of doing anymore laundry today...Relationship Guy can do it if it's that big of a deal to him...LOL. I get what you're saying, even if I disagree about the issue of physical affair being less tolerable than an emotional one. To me it's all the same, and the results are the same. Neither is more forgivable than the other...but that's me, and I'm not you.

When I say concentrate on yourself, I'm speaking in terms of what the current situation is doing to YOU! You're obviously disturbed and distressed, you've set up secret ways to check up on your W, there is a lack of trust and security in the marriage. So even if there is no physical A, how long do you continue like this? That's a question for you to ponder.

I also have some new questions for you. You need not answer them on the board, but just in your own mind. I'd like you to think about a couple of things. I should also say that I am in support of rebuilding marriages despite being


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 1:01am

Hi Dagger- I had a busy, but good weekend, thanks for asking. My H and I just moved into a new home recently so I was working away at unpacking some more boxes (that could take years from what I'm hearing from others! lol), and we also gave another couple we know a hand with doing some work on their new home because they had helped us with ours. So it was a "work" weekend, but still enjoyable when you have friends around. :)


Val                                   &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 7:54am


I have not posted to your story as you are getting better advice than I could give. I feel for you and hope that all turns out. Is there any update from the last couple of days?

My question is and I hope I am not being insensitive, but you said you record her phone calls...what device do you use and where did you get it? I don't want anything complicated, but I want to make sure the recording is clear and audible!

Thank you for your help and I wish you well!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 11:16am


I can't tell you what Dagger is using, but I did something similar when I suspected my ex was cheating on me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 1:01pm

Hi there troubled_gal2007.

Here's the link:

The device works great, but goes though batteries about every 3 days (depending on quality of recording set, it's default is HQ , high quality). The key thing is

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 3:04pm
Im sorry to hear about what your going through...I been there and done that and I understand what your going through right now.What you really need to find out right now is the nature of your wifes it just for a few thrills or is it because she has strong feelings for the O.M.?Statistics indicate that a majority of affairs where a wife is unfaithfull are because of some emotional involvement as opposed to just wanting some sex that they arent getting at home.If there are some strong feelings on your wifes part as I suspect there must be due to the fact that there is intimacy taking place between them you should begin to prepare yourself financialy and emotionaly for a divorce.About 5 years and a few months ago when I was where you are now I began to quietly transfer the liquid financial assets to Banco Nacional in Mexico if you care to know I will give you the particulars on how I did this in another post....remember if you live in a state with no fault divorce you will lose 50% of everything.You should begin keeping an eye on the credit cards also because 50% of that bill is yours my friend now might be a good time to lower the limits on them.When you do get down to the business of custody tell your lawyer you want a 50/50 custody arrangement where you have them for a week or so and she gets them for a week or so they are given frequently these days and the more time the children are with you the less you owe for support so thats a good deal all the way around.This does way more to keep you in the childrens life than the usual everyother weekend setup.Depending on when u bought the house it may not be worth haggling over because real estate isnt doing well right now as Im sure you know.Im sorry for sounding so cold and detached but life goes on after all this is over its simply the quality of that life thats open for debate.If you should ever want to chat with some1 who has been there and done that feel free to post to me.Im also aware of how deeply a person can be hurt by all this and Im speaking emotionaly this time not just financialy.Gods peace and blessings on you,your family and your friends.Gary A.K.A. Wuzherfool


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2007
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 9:12am

Thank you, Dagger!

I went ahead and bought the one from R....Shack, but I don't think it works with cordless phones as all it recorded last night, was him signing onto the internet (we only have dial-up where we are). I am going to give it tonight and if it still isn't recording, then I will take it back and see if I can find one that does work on cordless phones. I am little worried about buying one online due to shipping...I don't want him to find it.

I don't think anything in the phone conversations will be more graphic than the e-mails that they have sent to each other.

If you would like a little on my story, see "reality Check" under Rollercoaster Rebuilding. It's kind of long, but it gives a short history and then more of what has happened lately.

I am needing to confront him again and my plan is to kick him out, but I have to wait, as I have to make sure I can get child support when I kick him out. It's not fun playing the waiting game!!

I wish you luck and look forward to updates from you. Do you think you will be confronting her this weekend?

Hope you enjoy your weekend!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2007
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 1:57am

Dear daggertrueheart,

I wanted to post to you last weekend but could not remember my password (its @ work) anyway, you do sound like you have been a great husband and father. It just sucks that your wife does not see it. I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are in the same situation as most of us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:17am

Hi Dagger,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2007
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 5:13pm

Is this the bombshell? Has my patience paid off? They always say, be careful of what you wish for.


Just got back from lunch with work mates and polished off a few shots of jack and chased down with a couple beers ( not quite as much as my work mates as I wanted to get back and post this messsage)?

Recorded from yesterday. Really hard to focus right know, and this one stabs deep.

Exactlty as recorded:

W: What is your zip code?

OM: I know you would ask me that again. Do you want it frontwards or backwards"?

W: (laughing) "Hey, can I tell you something really really bad and I'll let you go. Have you eaten yet?

OM: Yea

W: I went for my yearly physical, no big deal, pap smear other stuff. Well, I have this Korean doctor into new intovative things going on and now, kinda rude, but they put their finger up your butt, which is what you guys get all the time for prostrate, but now doing it for woman and