Co-worker is having an affair!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Co-worker is having an affair!
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:35am

Hey there--I am a betrayed spouse, who used to post on this board a lot.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 12:10pm
STAY OUT OF IT! Its really none of your business.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 2:04pm
how good of a "friend " are you to her? maybe you could share your experience with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 2:13pm
I all ready confronted her that I know that she is having an affair and she denied it...although I have proof, but she doesn't know it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 2:35pm
I can understand how hard it is to know information and to be hurt by cheating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2005
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 3:16pm
I agree with what being said above.
I know this has to be a very difficult issue for you to manage because we all want to do the right thing and tell. That's what we're taught to do. When you see someone doing something they shouldn't be do, I think it's in our nature to want to do the right thing. However, this is a different case. Sometimes, people just have to find out things on their own as shallow as that may sound. It's nothing you really can do without facing some sort issues. You're in a very tough place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2006
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 5:12pm

I want to agree with what the previous people said. In my logical mind, what they said makes the most sense and is probably what you should do.

However, with that said... man, I am personally so hurt and embarrassed that my H's coworkers might have known before I did and didn't tell me or do anything. None of their business, sure. Do I wish someone would have mentioned something, even anonymously? YES! Maybe my perspective will change with time.

If it was me (and I'm not saying it's right) I would try to find a way to alert the spouses anonymously. I don't know if that is possible, maybe not. Definitely don't go public with your name on it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 5:43pm


I'm sorry, I totally cannot agree with the other posters on this board, except for madcitymommy.

I think it is TOTALLY hypocritical to say that you believe in something being right OR wrong, and then just look away when you see someone BEING HURT BY IT!!

Yes, do it completely anonymously, if that's more comfortable for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 6:26pm

Well said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 7:14pm

I completely agree with Ties- I would DEFINITELY want to know if I was your coworkers' spouse, however, I would recommend doing it anonymously, because if you're not extremely careful, it can come back to hurt you where your job is concerned. Although you'd morally be doing the "right thing" by telling her husband, legally, you have no rights to mess with a coworker's personal life, and if spun correctly, she could even accuse you of harassment.

If her affair is with another person in the office, I agree that taking your proof, and going to HR is a good way to go about it. It gets it off your chest, and protects you from any legal backlash.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 8:27pm
I am going to disagree. I had someone 'anonymously" put a not on my car. I DISREGARDED IT ! there was no proof nothing but a note. Did it cause problems nope!
Now there is another side. What if he knows? Interfering to play gotcha or let's have some self righteous amusement is never warranted just for that. Recall she has already tipped her hand and a harassment suit or restraining order is easy to get. HR? What if one other person heard the accusation then she would be in deep trouble at work.
Me I never found out who placed the message or was it for me.

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