Communication Breakdown/I Hate Men

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2006
Communication Breakdown/I Hate Men
4
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 4:23pm

What is it with the excuse that men can't talk about their feelings?

It's only been a few weeks since I found out the details of what he's been doing. We've been going to counseling. While we are there it feels like we are making progress. When I first found out and he was spilling his guts, he was on a role with the talking, open communication, he even said a few things that made me think "wow, maybe he is really trying to change?" And now...clamshell. He's not saying hardly anything. I say things to him, tell him how I feel, what things pop into my head... and it's like crickets. He says NOTHING in response. Not even, "I know, I am sorry." THIS MAKES ME SO MAD. T told him last time that he should not expect this to be an open and shut case, that this is an ongoing conversation. Apparently he hopes I'll just get over it, I have no idea what he is thinking and it is driving me insane. I feel like I am expressing my feelings to a brick wall.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 8:19am

Hi hardtimes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2006
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 11:52pm

I feel like he's afraid to say the wrong thing so he says nothing. I can yell, I can make statements... the ONLY way I get a response is if I start crying uncontrollably- I don't do it to manipulate him, though, I have just noticed that the times I have really lost it are the times I get the most from him. I don't want to live like that, though. I want honest and open dialogue. I think he just wants this to be fixed so we can live happily ever after, until he cheats on me again. I know he isn't "fixed" so we're not either. He says he wants the chance to be good to me...I feel like he's had that chance for 4+ years, why start NOW? When he says that it makes me feel like he wants to erase the bad he has done, to atone, but honestly I don't even know if it has anything to do with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 01-04-2012 - 2:42am

I can't vouch for all therapists, but ours tells me most men just don't talk about feelings, they avoid it like the plague - that this is very much a "woman thing" we do all the time but they just aren't into it at all, they understand we HAVE feelings but don't understand our need to TALK about feelings all the time - it's Venus and Mars.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2011
Sun, 01-08-2012 - 9:36am

He sounds like my husband!