Confronted; different kind of limbo now

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2004
Confronted; different kind of limbo now
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 8:58am

I couldn’t keep it in any longer and I really have no idea where I found the strength to make it through, but I did. I confronted H two nights ago. I told him that I didn’t want a divorce at this time, primarily because I was too humiliated, but that I thought we could live like roommates and be civil to each other. I just wanted it understood that I preferred to see him as little as possible and that I didn’t want to talk to him and he was not to touch me in any way.

First he acted shocked and surprised that I was saying these things. Then came the story that she was psychotic and had been trying to pick him up for months but he was trying to avoid her. She was flashing him and grabbing his butt and hitting on him – it was awful! He was too concerned for her well-being to just ignore her – she seemed so depressed! He’d feel responsible if something happened to her. He said that he never told me because he thought I would get angry if I knew someone had tried to pick him up. Why would I get mad unless he responded with interest? Yadda, yadda. I thought it was a really weak excuse and I don’t believe that is all that happened. He made the comment that she had been threatening to tell me but he wouldn’t say what she had threatened. When I grilled him on it he just said she was crazy and he had no idea what she might try to say.

Then he tried getting angry and putting down his foot. He started ranting about how he wouldn’t let me invade every ounce of privacy he had and that he’d done nothing wrong and I was being unreasonable. I’m quite proud of myself, I stood my ground and told him that he had forfeited any right to privacy and if he thought that was unfair he could go move in with this wh***.

Then came the tears and begging, with more tears, the professions of love and devotion and all the lip service he could muster. I told him to stop crying – that after all the times he has drug me through the dirt, I had no patience or sympathy left for his tears or self-pity and that I didn’t believe a single word he said.

We finally talked about this and everything before. He told me about other times that he had cheated that I didn’t know about before we got married. He relinquished his freedom with the internet and his cell phone and is now acting like a whipped dog. I know it’s an act, he’s just upset that he got caught, that’s all.

dreaming of becoming a mommy blinkie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 9:39am

I guess you have to decide what is best for you to do, for YOU. I think it is very hard to love someone who has done what he has done, taken advantage of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 1:22pm
Is this the girl that rented the apt. across the street from his friend to stalk him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 7:55pm

we each have to choose our own path.

i would however like to share some thoughts. you do NOT want to live the rest of your life feeling as though you need to check up on him. that is no way to live. why, well primarily because it will change who you are, what you are, and what you want out of life. as a matter of fact it will suck ALL of the life out of you. i know i was once you years ago.

the way he reacted MY GOD HE COULD BE MY HUSBANDS CLONE (only many years younger). he has already shown a clear sign that he has no integrity and that he can NOT be trusted. where there is no trust there is no love, where there is no trust there is no future, where there is no trust there is no peace, where there is no trust YOU WILL HAVE NO LIFE.

please consider my words very very carefully.