confronting delema

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2010
confronting delema
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 9:02pm

Did more snooping and found a lot more messages, phone calls and pics sent. Most of them were 6 + months ago, but there's that one out-of-state woman he texted a few days ago.

It's killing me to not say anything and act normal around him. My dilema is that we have family coming to stay with us in a few days. Do I say something now and risk a huge fight and tension when everybody is here or do I silently suffer for another week? We live with family and I have no close friends in this state and we have a baby.

I really don't want any of the family to know anything.

How did the confrontations go with all of you? Were those of you wanting to work it out and stay together able to act normal around family and friends shortly after?

I realize not all of you knew first, but any insight is greatly appreciated. I just feel so hurt and confused... He was the one who always said if you're gonna cheat, just get a divorce and if you say I love you and are hiding something, it isn't true. I've been very faithful and honest with him.

Sigh... I hate that any of us have a reason to be here. I know none of us signed up for this.

Thanks in advance.

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 4:13pm

As another who discovered at Christmas, I can only tell you, unless you have already made up your mind to split, then confront now.

If you KNOW that you are going to split, then line your ducks up in a row.

He has wounded you just as well as he would have with a stab to the heart with a knife. Don't protect him, put him on the defense right away, and don't let him down play it.

You holding it in will drive you crazy.

The resulting depression is not good for you or anyone else.

Good Luck......

We only miss what could have been.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 2:19pm

I truly feel your pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 6:21am

When I confronted my husband I waited until I had solid proof that he had slept with her and no one was around to hear. It wasn't easy, but I was glad that I did. In the beginning, I truly believed he was having an emotional affair. It took me a very loooooong time to get the proof I needed. I never told my mom what had happened. So I understand why you don't want your family to know. For me, my mom would never, ever forgive and forget. There were and are days that I wish she was there for me, but I also know that when I get better, she would keep bringing it up.

You're right, this isn't fair! Not what we signed up for.

Take care and keep strong!