D Day Aftermath
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|Mon, 04-06-2009 - 7:58pm|
I just wanted to give everyone an update. You are the only people in the world that know what's going on in my M. (This is long- I'm sorry.)
A little background: D Day was about a week ago. I caught my H with his OW at a restaurant and confronted him on their way out.
I found a book that said that a WS is usually shocked at how hurt you are because their selfishness doesn't allow them to think about your feelings. Then they see them and are surprised that it even effected you. I think this may be true. My H was totally shocked that I was so hurt. I also had a very angry reaction. I screamed so loud I'm shocked the neighbors didn't call the cops.
Anyway, he was not very apologetic at first. He seemed as if he didn't really want to be with me anymore. He actually said, "Why are we doing this? Is it worth it?" I think it is. But by saying that he was telling me that he was on the fence about it. His casualness really shocked me. I thought he would beg for forgiveness.
Since then I've become a little more guarded. I've ignored his texts/emails from work. "Missed" several phone calls. Spent more time out with friends. Now when I get home I find him waiting for me. And he's showering me with "I love you's." Bringing me little gifts DAILY. He's trying now.
I'm questioning everything. If he's out for a few minutes I think he must be with her. I've gone to her favorite little hangout to see if he's there. I grab his phone every morning and read the texts/check the call log. It's exhausting. But there hasn't been any evidence that he's continuing with her. (I insisted on NC.) However, I'm still suspicious. I think I may get a voice recorded and hide it in his car.
I think I want to work on rebuilding. Go into counseling. But at times I think it's best if he just leaves. I'm waiting until I'm a little less emotional and then I'll make the decision. I don't want to regret it either way.
Thank you for all your support and advice! I truly cannot express how helpful you all have been.