D DAY TODAY!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
D DAY TODAY!
37
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 2:17pm

D DAY TODAY!!! 15 months ago I got the dreaded phone call from her husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
In reply to: beingquiet
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 8:29pm

It's new for you, your heart is broken and all your emotions are just under the surface but she is making excuses pure and simple.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: beingquiet
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 9:09pm

from what you say in your post it sounds as though you are on your way to rebuilding your new beginning.

it is going to take time to gain enough trust where you are no longer on constant alert. waiting for the ax to drop is a terrible way to live. all you can do is enjoy your life, BUT TRUST YOUR GUT.

best of luck to you, i am happy you are fortunate enough to have one of those husbands who 'gets it' and is empathetic to what his actions did to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
In reply to: beingquiet
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 9:10pm

TO ALL..



Yup I' mad as hell still and I know there will come a time when my anger will be pointless but for now it's there and I' m smart enough to know I will let it go eventually, but it has to be on my own time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2010
In reply to: beingquiet
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 11:13am

I know you feel like someone took your heart out of your chest and stomped on it a million times. It has been a little over two years since finding out my H cheated so I know how horrible you feel. I need to tell you that you must work really hard to repair your M and forgive your H. I know how hard it is but if you want your M to work you will have to fake it till you make it. I remember when I found out, I regurgitated twice a day, I cried so much that I broke blood vessels in my eyes and I lost 30 lbs. I remember looking at my H lips and getting physically ill thinking about him putting them on that wh*re. Thank God I have gotten past that because I love to kiss my H.



It is never our fault that our spouses cheated but we have a responsibility for the break down in the M. We have to figure out what happened in our M that made it vulnerable and our spouses have a responsibility to figure out why they gave themselves permission to cheat. The x-other-skank met an emotional or physical need for our H. Find out what that was and make sure you do your best to meet that need. Your H may have cheated but what you are doing is wrong on so many levels. Your H doesn't deserve to be treated like that forever.



You say you don't care and that you are not sleeping with him but denying him s*x will lead to him cheating again or D. Obviously you care because you are still M to him. You have to force yourself to meet his needs. Yeah,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
In reply to: beingquiet
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 1:58pm

I agree with just about everything you said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
In reply to: beingquiet
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 2:01pm

I guess I' am fortunate from what I read here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
In reply to: beingquiet
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 11:27pm

You sound so much like me. I spent 5 years...5 years of my life, trying to believe that the affair was just an aberration. I never believed him to be the cheating "type" so I figured that it was problems in our marriage, the problems with me, that drove him to the affair. Several affairs later and separated and heading towards divorce, I sometimes find myself wishing I had left him after that first d day.

He too was involved with someone who was crazy ( threatened to kill me and dd when he ended it with her). He started this affair when I was pregnant, went away with her when dd was 3 weeks old and still, i stayed with him after d day.

You might be able to fix things...some people do. However, just know, that if you are miserable there will be a day when you just decide that enough is enough.

It is frightening to contemplate the future and I cry many nights but we have been separated for 6 months and I don't miss the relationshipmwe had at all.

Be strong. Be true to yourself and you will know he right thing to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: beingquiet
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 9:43pm

yes, once they loose that trust it is hard to turn back the hand of time; they just do not understand what loss of trust does to us - we once sooooooooo believed. i am thinking it is the disrespect of it all - we just do not seem to matter to them while they are into the cheating behavior.

it is as though we kind of loose a part of ourselves. the part that told us it was ok to believe in this person - i mean after all they took the vows and appeared to do so willingly and with much love. so what happened to change all of that? we don't know do we? no, we do not because they never bothered to tell us where it all went south. they never bothered to tell us that their feelings about us, our marriage, our relationship were different. we simply were not as important as their ego.

but when the nonsense hits the fan then they are maricopa, maricopa, maricopa. no remorse though, until they are caught.

i do not know i just do now know.

i am working on eliminating the 'mind chatter' and the 'movies' they have haunted me. it is getting better, but since my husband is NOT like yours i.e. no empathy - i am having to do it on my own. but i shall succeed, i promised myself that.

love you, take care of you, never loose sight of you again. you are important, never forget that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
In reply to: beingquiet
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 11:26am
Wow. This thread is a real eye opener, for me.
I never felt I had anything good come from my twenty years of illusion except it ending.
However, as I read this, I can see that since I found that it was all lies and deceit, there's nothing for me to miss from it being over. I never have ANY flashbacks from my past with my ex because I seldom even think about her or her kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
In reply to: beingquiet
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 12:14pm

I thought you raised those kids as your own until you found out?