D DAY TODAY!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
D DAY TODAY!
37
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 2:17pm

D DAY TODAY!!! 15 months ago I got the dreaded phone call from her husband.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
In reply to: beingquiet
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 9:22pm

WHEW, Well put!!! And oh so very right on..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: beingquiet
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 7:09pm

as the song goes "it never rains in southern california". well today, we have had thunder and lightning all day (i live in san diego) and now it is raining cats and dogs. rain always seems to put me in a meloncohly mood.

as i read your post a few things struck me, hit my thought patterns really hard.

my husband too says he is a changed man. there have even been occasions when i have gone downstairs passed his office late in the evening and seen him reading the bible. i have not even questioned him on. why???? because i know that down deep NOTHING, i mean NOTHING he could say to me would EVER be believed by me at this point. sad for him, no - i am sad for me, sad for sissy. you know when i was younger he use to tell me that i reminded him of the song "don't fall in love with a dreamer". i use to always see the good in everything, everyone - believed that all is well that ends well. searched out the love and romance of life. but over the years i have lost the majority of that. have become skeptical, so dam* skeptical. I HATE THAT, you know. i want to be that person i use to be, trusting, but something inside of me tells me she has died. now what is different in my marriage and yours is this - while my husband has said words i do not believe that there are any feelings behind them. too many indicators to even go into.

this morning we were watching rachel ray, and a person asked steve harvey, a guest on the show a question about her marriage something to do with "getting the fire back". a few hours later my husband asked me "is that what is wrong with us, the fire is out?" for a few seconds i just looked at him - then i simply got up and walked out of the room.

fire???????????????? - fire my as*, he was wanting to begin a conversation relative to our lack of intimacy. now tell me - how does sissy every go back to the point where she allows him to touch her ever again, after knowing and reading what he did and said to and with her????????? crave sex, want sex, yes - but i just can't unload all of the baggage i am carrying in my mind and heart. i hope that makes some sense.

yes, the damage my husband did to our youngest daughter and the others as well has been life changing. they no longer at him as 'daddy' = now he is dad. daddy implies a certain safeness, protection - they lost that. i am sorry for them and sorry for him. such a precious thing - father child relationships.

why am i still here, so many on this site have asked me that question, hell i have asked myself that question. probably part of it is the fact that i have been here so long, my entire life would change. from my home, to our family get togethers ----------- so darn much. and yet there is mind chatter up there, in my mind YELLING AT ME """"""""""""""""""FRAUD"""""""""""""""""""""""". yes, perhaps chicken liver does fit.......................................... i might add, that there is little energy left within sissy relative to life altering changes. don't you just hate that?????????????? knowing, feeling that little part of you that is saying "run like hell and never look back" - yet being frozen in place unable to do that which you know is right.

i think i am going to drive down to the beach and take a long walk - take in that salty ocean, breathe it in. i need a recharge.....................

i will check out that post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
In reply to: beingquiet
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 3:26pm
Broken relationship mediation seldom has anything to do with right or wrong.
All it took was a false accusation of threat of bodily harm and I was out the door.
The system is geared for assuming that if a man finds he has been cheated on for years and was financing all activities, he is likely to want to hurt somebody.
In any event, my last two years have been far better than the previous twenty.
Losing nearly all that we had accumulated has proven to be MORE than worth it rather than having to spend one more hour married to that freak.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
In reply to: beingquiet
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 2:50pm

Hi Sissy,



Yup, my husband has bad history and that's exactly why I' m stuck in the spot I' m in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: beingquiet
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 10:35pm

when i read your reply to my post i was a bit confused. i was thinking there is more to this story, there has to be. then i went back and read your reply to crossroads.

FORGET EVERYTHING i said. i did not know that your husband was a serial cheater, i apologize for missing that very important fact. i now understand your reluctance to believe in him, your questioning of his honesty and intentions.

you may or may not know that my husband was a serial cheater as well. previous escapades had left him swearing to never do it again. i am so ashamed. yadda yadda yadda. he had fathered an illegitimate daughter 3 years into our marriage. a daughter i did not find out about until the girl was 17. so much betraying crap that the very thought of it all makes me want to go out onto my patio and scream.

serial cheaters do something to us. when i say 'us' i mean women like you and i who take them back believing that they have seen the light. when the fact is all they have tried to do is con us. hoping to gain some time - while they act like the perfect husband. then after we have been lulled into fantasy land of believing in them - down comes the ax of yet another betrayal. all because mr. penis and their ego needs stroking. give me a friggin break.

what really hit me hard was what his betrayals and lack of respect did to your children. i know about this, our baby girl was 16 when i again found out that he was out there cheating. internet hook ups, massage therapists (nice word for prostitute in his case), yahoo personals claiming to be a widower, taking a woman to the movies and lunch - no thought about how it would affect our daughter if he were to be seen, bike rides with the same woman, and believe it or not it was during this same time frame that he was seeing a woman he had been involved with for over 3 years. a woman he also met on the net - a woman he engaged in anal sex with without protection from day one. i sooooooooooo understand the word creep - our baby daughter was so affected by his cheating. their relationship changed forever. his response "this is my life, what i do is none of your business". now keep in mind this is the same man who use to preach about integrity, honesty, the importance of family. does the word fraud fit? oh, yes

please be careful, while i can not, and do not have the right to tell you what to do i will say proceed with caution. the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior (dr. phil).

today is the first day of the rest of your life. i was in my late 20s when i married this man - within 2 weeks there was an incident that was reported to me by my brother - BUT I CHOSE TO BELIEVE MY HUSBAND. now i am 60 - when someone shows you who and what they are - BELIEVE THEM (also dr. phil).

we only go around one time - this is no dress rehearsal. trust your gut,

in closing i will offer this bit of advice - take care of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
In reply to: beingquiet
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 8:30pm

I stay really busy but I don't really do a lot for just me..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
In reply to: beingquiet
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 8:16pm

Yes it is hard to deal with at any age but with us, starting over is really hard to fathom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
In reply to: beingquiet
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 7:29pm
WAIT WHAT?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: beingquiet
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 5:07pm

i am so sorry that you were treated in such a manner. you must be a truly good person, as i, well lets just say you would have been watching it on the evening news. after being ordered out of her own home - wife blows up house with husband in it - as she sat and watched it burn to the ground she could be seen drinking a mint julip!!!!!!!!!

the strength you have - too bad you could not bottle and sell it.

continue to take care of you - until and unless we do that, there is no real healing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
In reply to: beingquiet
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 1:46pm
There's a lot of wisdom in your post, sissyjacks.
What you suggest has been my road ever since I was ordered out of what had been "our" home.
It works.

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