Dead physical side, anybody?
I've been posting here forever, and to try to keep it short, my DH made up his mind he was entitled to have two EAs over the last 17 years - we've been together now an astounding 42 years. I've also been trying to deal with a health problem plus depression (largely due to him being bad for so long, it finally just overwhelmed me), and right now it bugs me that getting physical is pretty much gone. In the past, no matter what happened between us, I never allowed that part of our life to die off, it honestly has been a huge glue that kept us together. But something that I found out about - the guy didn't just tell me about it, I found about it on my own - it just wiped me out. My last therapist kept telling me to quit beating up on myself, that he made his choices and although he has done a total turnaround and now treats me the way he always should have and then some, my interest seems to have just gone to Timbuktu or something. I used to enjoy it so much, now it's just not interesting to me. His interest isn't what it once was, either, we aren't exactly spring chickens. The way I'd put this is I wish I could look forward to it again and just wonder how some of you I'm sure dealt with this managed to work thru it????? I probably should be able to figure this out myself, but we live more like roommates with occasional privileges these days. It bugs me but when you aren't interested, it all changes.
Right, his looks at least to ME aren't the draw, marrying a Gorgeous George probably was 42 years ago. And right again, yes, he's had two EAs and I keep hoping to not find out there was more than that. It's slimy, sleazy and immoral to cheat on your spouse, it truly does change things. The kicker is I didn't believe people could change as much as he has. When it finally hit him if he didn't clean up his act, I was going to walk, he says he remembers clearly the day he said out loud to himself "what am I DOING????" For several years now he treats me so well I still can't believe it's totally real, we talk about anything I need to talk about, even things I'm sure he'd rather not. But....at times him being so nice NOW actually ticks me off, I just think where was this nicer guy all those years he was treating me like #(%&????? And having EAs????? He loves me a lot now and as for me, it feels more like we're roommates with a strong bond, if that makes sense. I just do not want to fool around much at all anymore, and that's not normal for me!!! Like I said, they cheat and it changes things. He's going to see the new therapist I located next week and I've already told her that although she asked for and GOT part of the bad boy details, what she is going to see is a reformed, very nice guy. He IS a nice guy, inside I think he always WAS, I knew it was in there. It just continues to confound me how they can risk losing their spouse and for what? Infatuation? That goes away, love is supposed to last. Yep, just confusing as heck.
We "almost" did that after DH's first EA years ago, we were like rabbits for awhile. And then we weren't - we actually both got so sick of fooling around we just went back to our normal frequency. I'm with you, I married a very pretty boy and although he looks younger than his age and OBVIOUSLY other women are still finding him attractive enough to go after him, to me I now look at him and that pretty boy just isn't there anymore, and I have no doubt it has a lot to do with his EAs - it just changes things. Just like me, I'm sure he doesn't see me as attractive now, I think we're older than most on this board.
I went through this too, after I found out about my husband's affair. A couple of years ago, a therapist came up with a "100 days of sex" where you have sex every day for 100 days to rekindle that spark. We tried it and it worked. But the weird part is, I am still not physically attracted to him like I used to be. I still think he is handsome, but his physical appearance just doesn't turn me on like it used to.
I'm sorry, iV, but I cannot believe how far down I had to edit the post I just put on. I used some words that are in no way profanity, I'm not even sure anybody will get the gist of what I'm asking about! I think you need to make up a list of no no words posters can no longer use so we don't have to edit edit edit out even incredibly tame words nowdays. Today is the first time they've told me I can't use even really tame words, good grief, it's ridiculous.