Deceived- do I take him back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Deceived- do I take him back?
7
Mon, 03-30-2009 - 1:20pm

My boyfriend and I are in our early

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 03-30-2009 - 2:27pm
Well first off, be glad that he had the maturity and good conscience to admit it to you. It still hurts but most of the spouses on here ( me included) NEVER got a admittance from a cheating spouse UNTIL after they found e-mails, phone logs or receipts as proof and then confronted them with the evidence in black and white. I don't think he will cheat again because this shows he has a conscience. In my opinion it's the ones that LIE and DENY everything until you have the proof, that are less trustworthy. I would try to let this go IF he promises to have NO CONTACT with her ever again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 03-30-2009 - 3:13pm

I have to agree with peaceyma. The fact that he didn't lie about it, readily admitted it to you and validated your suspicions with the truth says a lot.

He has obviously broken a sacred trust and violated a sacred boundary so he is going to have to work hard to rebuild that.

I believe YOU need to now tell him what you need from him in order to start rebuilding the broken trust. Can it be done? I believe so, but with a lot of hard work. You need to be able to communicate clearly what you need from him and he needs to be an open book, in a fish bowl if that is what is required.

Good Luck! A lot of men never admit it. I consider his admission a positive step in the right direction.

deja

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Mon, 03-30-2009 - 4:09pm

Thanks for your reply - it makes me feel a little better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 03-30-2009 - 5:11pm

IMO his willingness to come clean, take responsibility, and offer to do whatever it takes to get right are big.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 03-30-2009 - 11:50pm
I'm not clear on whether or not he has cut off contact with her?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 9:58am

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 5:32pm

danni,
I am glad that you feel you are able to move on. It's tough...

Having said that - words someone told me shortly after my D-day -
"Trust, but verify". Although it's sometimes impossible to actually verify, trust yourself, and trust your gut. Be brutally honest with yourself about how you feel if you get that tug in your gut.

If you have given him your bottom line - told him in plain English that you will not tolerate another indiscretion, be prepared to stick to it. After what I have been through and am going through I have vowed to tell every woman that will listen - Have a back-up plan and stick to it.

It's going to take a lot of time to erase those flashbacks and horrible feelings. He needs to do whatever you need him to do right now, including listen when you need to talk about it.

I wish you nothing but the best!

Deja