Define "Affair"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Define "Affair"
5
Thu, 04-16-2009 - 10:26am
If someone asked you to define "affair" how would you describe it?
Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Thu, 04-16-2009 - 10:37am

Spending emotional energy on something or someone that isn't your family/spouse without the permission, knowledge or consent of your family/spouse.

My spouse spent months flirting and talking with a married man at school whom she never touched, called or emailed, She slept with another man for seven weeks.

Both my spouse and I feel that she had affairs with these men.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Sorting Things Out.




Edited 4/16/2009 10:43 am ET by pater_familia

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 04-16-2009 - 11:22am
An affair is any time you develop emotional closeness with someone besides your S, share anything with that person you would normally be expected to share only with your S, ESPECIALLY when that relationship with "the other" is something you must hide from your S.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Thu, 04-16-2009 - 12:39pm

ooh, Yeah,

Feeling like you have to hide it from your spouse. That's an important distinction. I'm a publicist for my company and my job is to acquire relationships with people in all forms of media. Some years back I was able to get this one reporter interested in local history. I would invite her to lunch every month or so to meet local historians and authors, especially those who have written for my press. Occasionally we would meet for lunch and talk about potential stories within my topic. Yes it was fun talking about my topic of interest but I never felt anything for this woman other than friendship and I never felt I needed to hide it. I would often tell DW that I was having lunch with this woman and sometimes had DW come to these lunches.

What I didn't understand was that DW thought we were having an A.

This put me in a tough spot. I needed this woman for my job. DW was not willing to come with me every time we met, nor was she willing to have an open discussion with me and the reporter. That was a bad preview of her affair. I never suspected a thing. I even called her when she was with him and she told me she was with him. I didn't think for a second that she was having an affair with him. I just didn't think she would ever be that "type of a girl." Now I don't know what that "type of a girl" is anymore.

In my mind, the fact that I wasn't trying to hide my friendship with the reporter and the fact that I didn't have an emotional tie or interest in this woman is the only difference. Could that have changed on a dime? humm, I don't know. I'm just not attracted to this reporter. I don't even have those type of thoughts about her. Why is my "friendship" not an affair and DW's "Friendship" with the guy from school an affair? She felt that she had to hide that guy from me.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Sorting Things Out.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2009
Thu, 04-16-2009 - 3:14pm

Anything that they wouldn't want to catch you doing.


I asked my husband if he would have liked to have found out , by a phone call from the other spouse, about conversations I was having with another man about leaving my family and being in love.


He didn't like it at all.


Do onto others as you would have them do onto you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 2:26am

Having inappropriate emotional and/or physical contact with someone other than your spouse.