Destroyed on the inside

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2009
Destroyed on the inside
Mon, 03-30-2009 - 11:30pm
They always tell you not to give away your power and to protect your heart . I did. I did everything the way I was taught as a young girl. I went after my education and career first and the man who would one day be my husband was first my friend. Little did I know that he was playing a game that I had been dragged into. For as long as I knew him he always stressed monogamy and commitment. Voiced his disgust at cheaters and people who couldn't be honest in relationships. We fell in love and then his games started. It was like a fairytale. I fell in love with one of my best male friends. I had just finished grad school, I was single, educated and ready to take over the world with two degrees behind me by the time I was 26. My husband was charming ,funny,and supportive and although he did not complete his education, he was a hard worker, a man who came from a great and loving family ,and our two families together were more than I could ever pray for. Everything was as if it was meant to be. We went to church together,we communicated wonderfully, he always seemed to know what to do and say to make me feel better and we truly loved and supported each other. We also had a great intimate life and I never denied my husband anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2009
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 4:35am
i am so sorry to read your post. it sounds terrible. i wish i could say something to make you feel better. (read my post "couldn't be worse" and you might get some solace in misery's company.)
your account leaves me thinking that your husband has some serious issues that need to be dealt with professionally.
if you want to leave, you should just leave. i know it sounds overly simple, but you can do it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 10:17am

I am so sorry for what you're going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 12:12pm

Dear brokenheart,

Oh sweetie, how terrible!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 12:44pm

I don't know where you got the idea that an A can ever save a M, but that is not the case. I never read a book that said that.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 12:47pm


i'm not going to candy coat this...

God doesn't hate you or isn't punishing you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 1:41pm
Honey I am so distressed by your letter I cannot tell you and feel so much angst . I am so sorry for you since I have somewhat of the same story that drags on . The lies , the manipulations and the sewer underground that is beneath us . Your situation is even graver than mine . 2 affairs I know of . The last he left in order to get away and start a new life for us by living with a roommate till he got on his feet . But it was a gf . There is more . My being drugged unknowingly pills/ with alcohol and I found pics of me in his e-mail and a pic where he cut and whipped on this woman he left me for . He came back but I told him to get on his feet cause I would divorce him which I did and he has to be out tomorrow . As agreed . He has done nothing . I am constantly harrassed , guilt tripped and manipulated in one way or another . Now he's crying how unfair I am . I have given and still he thinks he will in his fantasy mind stay in a home that isn't his , that he will break me and he can stay . Or that I will obey . The ugliness these men wreak on our hearts , emotions is unacceptable ! Yes brokenhearted ! I can only imagine what unutterable depths of despair you are facing . Honey you are not alone ! Your sisters are out here . I am one .
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2008
Wed, 04-01-2009 - 7:47pm


So sorry you're dealing with all this. I'm with stitchwitchy on this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 04-01-2009 - 11:37pm

I have actually seen that in SOME books, and some folks do seem to believe it's true.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 8:35pm
There is a book you MUST read! It is called "when your Lover is a Liar " by Susan Forward It will help you sort thru this mess and realize the help your H needs and the power you have to do the right thing for yourself. Be grateful you have no children and have an education. you can go on and create a new life for yourself. this book will really help you. It helped me to see my situation objectively.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2007
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 2:15am
I feel so sorry for this poor woman and I can relate to her pain. Why do people continue to hurt others like this and evidently feel no remorse? I just don't understand it.