Did he?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2010
Did he?
34
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 10:20pm

Hello, I need help in getting an idea of how what I have seen from my husband would seem to others. I am confused and am looking for anyone else's viewpoint.

During a time my husband and I talked about a divorce (because he didn't think we had enough sex). I found a hair clip I had never seen on the toilet in my bathroom. I asked him about it later because I was shocked and didn't believe he would be so bold as to bring someone home while I was out for several hours. When I did, he said he didn't know and that maybe one of our young daughters had gotten it from his mom's and put it there. Doesn't make sense, his mom has short hair and his niece who lives there I don't think would wear that type of clip. Also, I've never seen my daughters wear it and they have no reason to go in my bathroom.

A month or two later (after we reconciled), I was browsing the web and started typing a website name and a website name came on (like it had been visited on that computer) that said something like "horny hookups" or something along those lines, as to sex dates. I asked him about it while I was on the computer. He seemed embarrassed but insisted it was probably from another website he had visited that wasn't about hooking up. And he was unusually nice to me the next several days.

What do you think??? He would never admit it if he did have sex with someone else, but I don't have any harder evidence to make him fess up. Would you think he did hook up withe someone else?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: mom_krismae
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 10:37pm

something similar happened in my marriage.

ah, yes, he was visiting the sites adultfriendfiner, and alt.com, ashley madison - he did have profiles there. women on those sites were emailing him at an address i did not know about. he lied, then, lied again, and lied some more.

keylogger might be in order.

the ONLY low down thing he never did was bring someone into our home, but that is the only thing.

trust your gut, it never lies.

while you are on the hunt to discover the truth, do not let on that you suspect anything. often they will lie low if they feel you are on the hunt.

/
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2010
In reply to: mom_krismae
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:06pm
Thank you so much. So, how did you know about the other women emailing him at another email address? I too thought about putting something on the computer to know exactly what he is doing, but he is very tech savvy. Isn't it noticeable on a laptop? It's really hard to be civil to him when I think about it because I can't help feeling he did it. I just wish he would admit it because I hate having any doubt!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
In reply to: mom_krismae
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:09pm
I think you should follow your gut instincts and go with what you feel ... listen to yourself and what you think be observant, you;ll probably be right.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2010
In reply to: mom_krismae
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:30pm
I just posted about this subject on another thread named "Back again".
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
In reply to: mom_krismae
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:33pm

read the post 'back again' - there is a recommendation for a key logger.

believe it or not, i had a dream, yes, i know you must think i am friggin crazy. but in the dream his email password was given to me. then in reading the emails from the other woman there was an entry he had failed to erase from early on - in it she asked if she should now begin to email him on the new web site. she detailed his address and i simply used the password that had been given to me in the dream. i know, strange, but i believe that it was my deceased mom that sent me that info via my dream.

love you mom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2010
In reply to: mom_krismae
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:55pm
My gut did tell me another women was there when I saw the hair clip. I just didn't know how to go about confronting him because it wasn't like I saw him with my own eyes, it was a hair clip. Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2010
In reply to: mom_krismae
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:58pm
I will definitely look into getting PC Pandora and I'll look at your thread. Thank you very much for the suggestion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2010
In reply to: mom_krismae
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 12:01am
I totally believe your mom helped you out. I'll read your post. Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: mom_krismae
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 2:22am
mom k

This may seem like a obvious question, but did you ask your daughters if they put it there, or if they ever seen gramma or your niece wearing it? I also can tell you that the timing of him talking about wanting a D and finding the hair clip is probably significant because men usually don't talk about wanting a divorce unless they have someone else waiting in the wings. My H of 30 years came to me out of the blue one evening and started talking abut us getting a D. A few days later he accidentally left his work e mail open on our laptop. I found totally inappropriate e mails to another woman in his work e mail. He thought he had another woman lined up when he talked about divorcing me, but little did he know at the time that she was just a married floozy that did this e mail flirting thing with many other men. My H has always been so naive when it comes to women and their intentions though. Anyhow, if your daughters seem to have no clue about the hair clip, you could put it in your purse and the next time you go to your MIL house you should pull it out and just say to your MIL and neice ( but not in front of your H) that you think one of your daughters may have accidentally wore the hair clip home, and that you are returning it. If they both say that it is not theirs, then you might just have your answer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2010
In reply to: mom_krismae
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 12:39am

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I didn't ask my daughters because I didn't think to. I was so shocked when I saw it. It seemed obvious to me that it couldn't have come from them. If my MIL pulls their hair back, it's always with a soft ponytail holder and the clip I saw in my bathroom was a big banana clip. It just never really entered my mind that it would be possible my girls would have had it. If it did somehow get into their bag, I can't see why they would put it on top of my toilet which is in a little room with a door. They would have to go past my sink/vanity to get to the toilet. Why wouldn't they put it on the sink? I do regret not asking them right then and there if they put it there just to have him have to answer to that. But he has an answer for everything, and would have blamed their memory.

I hardly ever see my MIL and niece. Uggh. I wish I could afford a private investigator. It has been bugging me for months. I seriously think I will save for one.

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