Did you all want to know the sexual

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Did you all want to know the sexual
14
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 11:26pm
details of the relationship? Did it make things harder or better after you found out? And the whens wheres etc too? How about the intimacy details (not just sex) but making out, doing it in the car etc? Did you all ask?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2010
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 12:41am
Yes, I did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 1:18am
Ruby, was it better for you after you found out, or worse?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 1:39am

Hi tryin, I know we have been back and forth on another message but I had to let you know my take on "knowing".


I asked WAY too much in the couple months after the 2nd dday. I know you already have some of the gory details but I strongly advise you to stop asking him for anymore details. It has been a couple years since dday#2 for me and I am still having mind movies and flashbacks. It does not help in the healing AT ALL. The main thing to discover is how to make the marriage better for both of you and for your H to learn how to help you feel safe and loved.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 7:37am
I am curious at some of the things, because he is still reluctant to do some things with me, and I am wondering if he did them with her... amongst other things...........
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2010
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 7:53am
I agree with a previous sentiment: sometimes asking does more harm than good. However, if there are things that he hasn't shared with you that you wonder about with her, that may be different. With me, it was kind of the opposite: there were things I was reluctant about in our marriage bed that I wondered if she complied with. I just had to finally realize that those details don't really matter. It's done, in the past, and he is truly filled with remorse about it. Now, we need to work on picking up the pieces and fixing the things that were broken (on both sides) before things got this bad.
Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 8:26am
My H claimed that there was no sex with the OW
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 4:41pm
I think one of the biggest mistakes I made was wanting to know every single detail. Those mind movies played over and over in my brain for over a year. There was no way that my DH and the XOW could have done anything more than my DH and I have done. We have done it all together. I suggest not asking too many details because it would be hard to stop picturing him and the other skank doing it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 5:58pm

Hi tryin,


I wanted to know everything, so I asked every question I could think of...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2008
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 6:13pm
If I were you I would not press for details.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2010
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 9:32pm
I can't say for sure yet whether it was a good idea or not, as it's been too soon.

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