A "DO NOT READ" BOOK

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
A "DO NOT READ" BOOK
2
Tue, 12-18-2012 - 5:08pm

I'm 3 years and 3 mos. down the road from divorce.  Several of you know my story as I was fortunate enough to find this site and thesupport of so many wonderful people here.  I came back 2 years ago to give an update on "me" and to encourage all the newbies to this VERY UNFUN CLUB :) that not only did I survive it all, I'm SO much happier than I was before my 20 year marriage ended and have a wonderful man who's been in my life for 2 years and 11 mos. I know the feelings of heartache, loss,despair and depression but I promise you it WILL get better. Anytime I find any source that might help others, I come back to share it......

 I was at the library the other day and while searching for some other books, I came across A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO HEALING THE HEARTBREAK OF DIVORCE by Rose Sweet.  For some reason, I checked this book out, even though I am far from heartbroken.    I don't believe in coincidences; God has a hand in everything.  I think that is why I checked out this book.  I want to urge anyone who is going through a betrayal, separation or divorce to NOT, ABSOLUTELY NOT, read this book.

If I had read  this in the early days of my exH's affair and D day, it would have been NO help at all and in fact devastating.  While the writer is a counselor and a Christian (as am I), and the first few chapters gave some good advice (know that God is there for you, no matter what and will bring you through this), the rest remind me of advice that might have been given to a woman divorcing in the early 1900's to 1950.  From urging you to cut your losses and stay out of court at all costs, to telling you how your divorce is going to make your children emotionally unstable with a meriad of problems as adults, and THEN as a woman who has NO children, she tells you how you should raise your children.  THAT  last one in itself sticks in my craw.

Mind you, the writer has been divorced 3 times herself. So granted, she knows about divorce. But I think she is a little misguided in some of the advice she gives.  Its easy for her to say your kids don't need certain things~that all they need is food,shelter, clothing and medical attention~SHE has never been a mother going through divorce and wanting to keep your kids from losing any more of the possessions they have than is necessary.  SHE has never had to beg for child support and alimony to at least be on time to provide for a child,  much less a special needs child.

Do yourself a favor and RUN if you see this book.  Trust me on this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Wed, 01-02-2013 - 2:55pm

I must admit that the title of your post really grabbed my attention.  I was really curious.  Before I clicked on it though the thought crossed my mind that maybe this would be a way for betrayed spouses to get their WS to actually read something they found beneficial toward healing the marriage.  Getting the WS actively involved in the rebuilding process seems to be a stumbling block for most betrayed spouses.  I don't know too many stories of the WS being excited about hearing of more new reading material.  What would happen, though, if it was presented as "do not read" and left serendipitously for them to find?  Just a thought. 

Nothing has any meaning save the meaning I give it.

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 12-19-2012 - 8:18am

Appreciate the tip. I agree, that book is crap. Any chance you could not use bolds when posting. It's really hard on the eyes. 

Thanks in advance.  

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.