Do you confront the OW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Do you confront the OW?
11
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 1:31pm
Another bad day. Its been just over a month since I found out about the affair. I have had one therapy session and it went pretty well. I am still trying to sort things out with my h. We are going to talk tonight. That alone has made me sick all day. I have also been thinking about the OW (one of my closest friends before d day). I would love to look her in the eye and ask for her to explain how she could have done this to me. I would love to tell her exactly what I think of her! The problem is that she still lives around the corner from me. I am trying to keep the a from my children. I do not want to crush their world like mine has been. I am afraid that if I confront her, she could tell my kids. That's the only thing keeping me from going over their and having it out. I am actually afraid of what I could do to her if I saw her. Its amazing what this kind of hurt can bring out in a person. Any thoughts... thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 3:50pm

I understand what you are feeling, it does go away slowly, its been 10 months since I found out about H affair with his co-worker, he got fired (laid off) about 2 months after I found out about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2009
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 4:35pm

Hi Lynn,


Geeze, I would love to confront the OW!

T.J.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-26-2009 - 12:42pm

I'm sorry to say that the OW doesn't care how you feel or about your pain or about what she did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 08-26-2009 - 3:03pm
You have to remember the OW does not care about you at all, or your kids.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Fri, 08-28-2009 - 9:49pm
I would say right now focus on you and your m. If after some time has passed you still feel the need to speak with her go into knowing you might not get the answers you want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 8:04am

I just found out last week about my H's affair with a married co-worker be finding a picture of them kissing in the backseat of our car and then I found the emails (6 pages of them!).


I confronted the OW via email with a picture of our beautiful children who she could've messed up their lives totally. Here's a copy of that email:


I'd very much like to thank you. Thank you for destroying the lives of
three beautiful children by having an affair with K back in 2004
during our engagement and into our marriage and the pregnancy of our
son C. I guess you lived up to the expectation of what I thought
you looked like back at Work. I thought you looked like a
cheap whore and I guess you are a cheap WHORE.


I'm sending you a picture, Look carefully at it and think of the
innocent lives you destroyed, you SLUT!!!


Just in case you're interested, he's now free for the taking!!!




Edited 8/31/2009 8:53 am ET by booberhead69
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 8:50am

Hi Mom_Lynn,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 11:06am

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 12:31pm

Hi mom_lynn_2009


I can tell you this if it helps. I did confront the OW on more than one occasion. I kinda knew her, but not well. They work together. I knew I would have to contain myself due to the fact that she was carrying my H's child at the time. However, I still felt the need to confront her. What happened? I got empty appologies. "We never meant for this to happen". Bullsh*@!! Pardon me. Anyway, it is just a waist of your time. I still feel do better or no diffferent about any of it. She doesn't care! Neither does your H's OW. None of them do. She even had this happen to her with one of her XH's. So you wold think that the last thing she would want would be to put someone else through what she had to go through herself. Not the case. She knew my H had a wife and kids at home. Even if he had told her that our marriage was not doing well, any GOOD woman would have said, then wait until you are not together anymore. The OW does not care. Not about you. Not about your kids. She only cares about what she wants. So, as I said. I did it. I felt no better and I just see it as a waist of time. Don't give her the pleasure of seeing just how much she really has hurt you and your family...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 3:35pm

Another possible scenario.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

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