does this stuff really HELP!!!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
does this stuff really HELP!!!?
8
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 12:15pm

Never been on a support page, my mom suggested I do it. I know I need something. He cybercheated, I feel dumb like am I overreacting, either way I know I am mad as hell. I feel angry all the time, that's whenever I do not feel like crying. Not many I can talk to about this. I know I need resolve either way. I would love for the marriage to work, but I either way I need to know that I will be okay for me and my little one.


SOMEBODY PLEASE REACH OUT...I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T BREATHE, I AM SUFFOCATING IN MY OWN SKIN :-(


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 12:34pm

It has been nice to both read and get feedback from people who have had these experiences. Just like you couldn't imagine how it would feel if it ever happened, it's hard to imagine ever feeling better.

Just getting thoughts out of your head is helpful. I did a lot of reading on why affairs happen and the fallout thereafter. I collected quite a library. Reading has been very helpful to me, because I need to know why. Of course the need to know doesn't always end with why, but how when, who etc....details details.

I think being on the receiving end is very traumatizing, so treat it as such. There's actually a book called Post Infidelity Stress Disorder that I found interesting. Understand that moving through this is just that...moving through. It's painful, it's horrible, it's nothing you would wish on anyone but can be used as a tool for growth if you let it. Let yourself feel angry, sad etc. and even happy when you do.

Wish you much peace on this road.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 1:03pm
This is my first time on any sort of message board or in any sort of support group.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 1:20pm
Thanks for your response, I never thought that anyone was really out there. I just needed to know anyone was there and thanks for telling me it is okay to feel...I WILL! To be so strong I feel very weak right now, and have lost interest in many things I love...I will give this time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 1:32pm

bbutleral,


Thank you for reaching out to me, when you are clearly going through sooo much in your own life. I am sorry about your most recent discovery.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 1:45pm

Most of my story is under the post "I need someone to vent to".

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 2:02pm

Thanks, I will read your post now.


The funny thing is, I am more of the adventerous one, which is why I am so shocked. I though he was not capable of dirty talking and things like that. I wish he had come to me with nasty talk, I have even mentioned role playing, etc. I like to have fun with my husband. He's always sweet, generous, and telling me I am beautiful...damn it! It appears he did not want beautiful or gorgeous, but sexy with a big butt...not me cleary. I am tall and slim. How do I come back from that. He states he is not into that (big butts), but from all of his post, it says otherwise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 2:18pm
The 22 yr old girl at his office is not attractive at ALL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 2:40pm

In many of our cases logic is not something we use. We can't make sense of many of our reactions to uncovering such betrayal from the ones we love.