Don't know what to think or do!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2008
Don't know what to think or do!!!!
3
Sat, 07-11-2009 - 12:38pm

Hi,


I am just looking for some advice or insight on a matter. I have been married for 5 yrs now, quite happily. At the first my hubby had an emational fling with a girl that resulted in a kiss, nothing further. We nearly ended over this. Since then we have worked things out and things have been 300% better for us and I am happy we worked it out.


The problem I am having now is that there is this young girl she is 24 whom he workes with, he is 38.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Sat, 07-11-2009 - 1:28pm

Seeing as he's admitted to cheating on you, it's completely understandable you're a little apprehensive now. For him to tell you you're being paranoid is total garbage. He broke your trust, he has shown what he is capable of, and how are you to know that he won't "slip" again?
There's an article on wikihow that I think is very relevant to your situation. Here's the link:
http://www.wikihow.com/Recover-from-an-Affair

You're not being paranoid, you're not being irrational. You're being cautious, and you're scared of being hurt again.
But essentially, what it comes down to is: do you trust him or don't you? Is he taking energy away from your marriage and putting it towards this girl? Why is he willing to fight with you over her?
And additionally, will he cheat on you again, or will he remain faithful?

Best of luck, I hope you can get things sorted out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 07-12-2009 - 9:03am
It sounds like he is being very open about this which is good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2009
Mon, 07-13-2009 - 11:58am

IMO I think Lily gave you excellent advice. That's what came to my mind, too. Why is he more concerned about her feelings rather than yours? Also, this thing about him feeling controlled by you - How is it that he doesn't feel controlled by HER? It's causing a rift in the marriage, she is doing it, and he is allowing it. I would also be worried that it might go farther. This is how emotional relationships begin, and then often turn sexual. Even if it never turned sexual, she is robbing the 2 of you of your good times together. His focus is on her, so it's robbing his attention & focus from you and the marriage.