Dream guys only exist in fantasy land

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2013
Dream guys only exist in fantasy land
3
Sat, 01-26-2013 - 2:35pm

I've been married for a mere 5 months, together 3 years, but have known my H for over 10 years.  I caught him in a lie last night and he eventually fessed up to cheating on me.  He had been acting strange for a few weeks,  guarding his phone with his life, and he "crashed" at a friend's house two weeks ago, which isn't like him.  My H had always been my dreamguy.  We met working at a summer camp in college; he had such a good heart.  We didn't seriously pursue a relationship until our late 20s because we lived states away from each other, but he was always my gold standard in dating.  I adore his family and until last night, I could not have been happier.  Now I feel like a fool, and just ripped to shreads.  I don't have any family or BFFs where I live, so I'm terribly alone.  The aquaintences I have would spread the news like wildfire, so my dog is the unfortunate benificiary of my grief.  I just needed to tell someone.  I'm so sad, and so angry.  

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Tue, 01-29-2013 - 11:43am

You are probably right. There are very few dream guys. Between the ones who have cheated and have been found out, and the ones who have cheated and their SO has yet to find out, if she ever does, that does not leave many left.

I don't know if I could personally remain with someone who did that, always the nagging thought of what he did and can I truly trust him. Some people can get back to that place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2013
Mon, 01-28-2013 - 12:23pm

Thanks.  Like anybody else who ends up in this situation, I don't know what to do.  We don't have kids yet and I can't imagine what it would be like to go through this if we had them.  Now that this has happened, and although he believes it will never happen again, I don't know how I'm ever going to trust him enough to start a family.  My father left my mother with four kids under 10, for his secretary, how original.  I lived through that but it had a lasting impact on all of us.  I don't want to leave him, but I feel like my hopes of having a family are dashed.  We're going to go to therapy, so hopefully that will help.  I just wish I had a crystal ball.  I'm so devistated. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Sat, 01-26-2013 - 4:04pm
Hugs to you. I.understand completely about living away from your family and friends while going through this. But, I will tell you in some ways especially if you are going to rebuild it is a little easier because those same people are also tthe ones who will hold it against him forever after seeing you go through this grief. So, if they aren't here it does make the rebuild a little easier IMO. Hugs to you as you try to get through this betrayal. I will tell you post away here. This group has seen way too many of us through this mess they will help you too. Positive vibes sent your way.